Mediocrity Happens

Change is Upon Us

2008-11-04T23:13:00.003-05:00

I stood in line for 1 hour and 15 minutes to vote for change...and apparently I wasn't the only one. I sat on the edge of my chair all evening and cried when the announcement was made. Barack Obama has been elected president. I was humbled at the poll today. I watched parents bring their children to witness a historic day. I watched elderly men and women stand for over an hour to vote. I watched a lady who had been turned away from two polling places, stand for yet another hour to vote. It was the best spend hour and 15 mintues of my life. It reaffirmed my faith in the American people. Yes, change is upon us...a much needed change.

That Which Doesn't Kill You...

2008-08-12T19:58:00.002-04:00

Makes you stronger? Well, I must say this little addage is true for Jamie and I. This past July, Jamie and I decided that we're going to spend the rest of our lives together. This was a huge step for us. I never really bought the whole "love at first sight" thing...but I have to say, I knew pretty early on that Jamie was the guy I wanted to grow old with. I never met someone that matched me on so many levels. We're both from totally different backgrounds - but when it came to the simple things in life, we were definitely on the same page. It's been amazing to watch our relationship grow. I have never cultivated a relationship like this. Every adverse event we encounter causes us to become stronger. When I had to have surgery, Jamie was my rock. When I was frustrated about my job, Jamie was my sounding board. When Jamie was passed over for promotion, my arms were his safety net. When we decided to start looking for a "homeplace," I thought were were set. HA! Talk about stressful...this was probably the most stressful event we've been through thus far. My surgery, his lack of promotion - they couldn't compare! We argued over location, price, location, size, location, shape, location, color, location...ok, so mainly we argued over location. Then we argued over land versus house. After headbutting each other a few times (ok, rather headbutting each other until we both nearly lost consciousness), we found the perfect place. It's like a little slice of heaven - a white cape cod on 4.4 acres of land. And I must say - finding it together made us even stronger. Tomorrow's a big day - I'm meeting the realtor to make the offer on our future homeplace. It's going to be the place where we raise our children, the place where we grow old together. Thank God we got stronger, because I nearly thought we were going to kill each other!

Is that Sunburn on my Neck?

2008-07-30T23:17:00.002-04:00

Unfortunately, I don't think it is. I think I've become a redneck. Eeek! This evening on my way to look at land out in the middle of Bumfuck, West Virginia, I met up with a big rig carrying none other than Brian Vickers 83 Red Bull Car. I looked in the rear view and saw Red Bull and immediately thought - "Dear God, it's Brian Vickers!!!" It never crossed my mind that the truck could simply be hauling Red Bull cans or advertising Red Bull. My first and only thought was Brian Vickers. Yep - total redneck. Then to confirm my status, I chased the big rig down the interstate to get a picture on my cell phone. Thank God it wasn't an Amp truck...because someone may have gotten killed if Junior was passing me. :) *snicker* So now the background on my cell phone is the big rig. Next thing you know, I'll be wearing a checkered flag string bikini and holding my Rolling Rock in my Junior beer cozie at the Richmond Race. HA! We'll leave the bikini home - but the Rolling Rock does fit nicely in my 88 cozie. :)

Life Update

2008-06-23T11:32:00.002-04:00

It's been a pretty tumultuous time for me. Here's the whirlwind update:

5/22/08 - Doctor's visit to confirm that precancerous cells were gone

5/23/08 - Notified that I was the official selection for the Acute Care Specialist

5/29/08 - Notified that precancerous cells were back and surgery was suggested

5/30/08 - Family decided that Shaggy's suffering was too much (Shaggy was my Old English Sheepdog who had been my best friend and companion since my sophomore year in high school)

6/2/08 - Ended Shaggy's suffering and let him go

6/9/08 - Start first ever vacation while working at the VA

6/12/08 - Purchased a 1998 Jeep Wrangler with cold hard cash & notified by hospital that I would need to be intubated for my surgery

6/15/08 - Jamie's parents met my parents & Jamie informed me that everything looks better topless (he's was referring to my Jeep sans hard top ;) )

6/16/08 - Spend the evening on the river in Jamie's new boat fishing for bass

6/18/08 - Underwent a LEEP procedure to remove all of the precancerous cells (it was my first time to have anaesthesia E-V-E-R..and let me tell you IV fentanyl, midazolam, and propofol combined with inhaled desflurane will knock you OUT!)

6/21/08 - Returned to work the weekend after having surgery - survived with great support from my friends

Today - Realized that I am a very happy person and a very blessed person. I'm graced with a wonderful family, great friends, and an amazing boyfriend. Now I'm going to go put the top down on the Jeep and let the wind blow through my hair. :)

Insane Clown Posse

2008-06-08T11:30:00.002-04:00

This past week my work rotation placed me in the Outpatient Pharmacy. This is my least favorite place to work. It has absolutely nothing to do with my fellow staff members. In fact, many of them are my closest friends. I just don't like retail pharmacy, and this environment lends itself to the retail feel. My least favorite work assignment in this rotation is The Booth. It is a little booth encased in bullet proof glass. There is a 6 inch gap below the window to allow the veteran to slide their ID card and Quematic number under. Incidentily, it's also a nice gap to slide a 9mm under. I've often wondered what genius thought of placing a 6 inch gap below the bullet proof glass. Anyways, I wasn't as early as I normally am on Wednesday and consequently was banished to The Booth. My last customer before lunch was #101. I was flipping through my email when she sat down. When I glanced up to greet her, I nearly fell of my chair. Picture this - 26yo white female, roughly 5'5" and 140lb, with buzz cut brown hair. This was normal (ok - the buzz cut hair normally wouldn't be considered normal, but given the rest of her appearance, this was the epitmy of normalcy). Her eyebrows were shaved off and replaced with drawn-in brown vertical lines. These lines were placed on each side of the beginning of the bridge of her nose. There were piercings in ever orfice of the face - and few in places that didn't normally lend themselves to piercing. Honestly, she scared the hell out of me. I'm the type of person who won't listen to Slipknot because looking at them gives me nightmares. I saw Cold in concert in 2001 and had nightmares for 2 weeks because they worse rubber masks. So - she was all the things my nightmares are made of. I wanted to scream, but managed to choke out a hello and asked her her name and last four of her social. The whole time, my brain was saying, "Holy shit, you're spending quality time with a renegade member of the Insane Clown Posse!!!" (Another band that gives me nightmares - of course their's is due to their scary looks AND their horrible music) She was actually a very nice person. I wondered what in the world could've possessed her to shave her eyebrows off and replace them with vertical lines. I've had some crazy thoughts in my life time - but none of them included, "Today, I think I'm going to shave off my eyebrows and replace them with vertical lines." Wow... Consequently, I've been sleeping with the TV on the past couple nights - it's the best antidote for Insane Clown Posse visions.

Introducing....

2008-05-28T22:00:00.002-04:00

The 4th Floor Clinical Pharmacy Specialist!!! I found out a week and a half ago that I was selected for the clinical pharmacy position on the acute medicine floor that the VA. I'm pretty excited. Acute care has always been my love - now I finally get to flourish in my love. :) I don't have an official start date yet. They have to hire a pharmacist to take my place (apparently they haven't realized that I'm irreplacable! HA!). I'm hoping to start the new position in August - but I won't hold my breath. As part of my new position, I will now be responding with the Code Team. Yea - I'm still a little nervous about that. Honestly, when the code pager drops, my heart races. So - I'm hoping that becomes less with time. I did respond to my first code ever last week. I got to work at 10:30 and the code pager dropped at 10:35. I decided that it was now or never. I took off running out the door. I passed my supervisor in the basement hallway. I told him that there was a code on the 5th floor and I wanted to go. His reponse was - "Well, keep runnin' girl!" So I did. I ran my little ass all the way up the stairs to the third floor. I realized that I was taking 2 stairs at a time. Then I realized that I was a bit winded and still had 2 flights of stairs to go. I walked to the 4th floor and crawled to the 5th floor. My legs felt like iron barrels when I got to the door to the ward. I tried to compose myself and walked into the room. The RN turned to me and said, "Oh honey, did you run all the way up here from the basement?" I replied "Uh-huh" (actually forming words would've taken too much oxygen). She smiled and said, "I hate to tell you but he's ok." I smiled and mumbled something about that being great news. She then offered me the oxygen mask. I must've looked like hell. I tried to walk back down the stairs, but my legs had turned from iron to rubber. I wasn't able to make them go down the stairs. I crawled back over to the elevator and rode down to the basement. Note to self - you can't do chest compressions if you can't breath on your own. Perhaps next time I'll take the elevator to the 5th floor. I learned that my adrenaline rush lasts for 3 flights of stairs and then it dies. The pain of sucking air lasts for 3 hours. Code team here I come! :)

I Heart Nascar

2008-05-04T18:55:00.003-04:00

Check out the 88 gear on this woman! :) Holy cow - I'm a redneck. I went to my first Nascar race this past weekend and now I'm hooked. I have 3 Junior shirts, a Junior hat, and a Junior beer bottle holder. I used to watch it with Jamie because he loved it. Now I'm watching it because I love it. Saturday was so exciting. The cars rumbling, the bleachers rattling, and the screaming - it was better than any rock concert I've ever been to. The fact that I got to share this experience with Jamie was even better. The look of excitement on his face was unbelievable. This was some serious tailgating. We partied for 12 hours before the race. My God, we were pulling out of the hotel parking lot at 6:30AM. These people KNOW how to tailgate.

The race itself was incredible. Jamie said it was quite possibly the best one he's ever seen at Richmond. Kurt Bush was in a hell of a crash. Michael Waltrip got put into the wall right infront of our seats. Watching Junior pull to the front was incredible. I never thought I'd be yelling and screaming for a Nascar driver. I was excited - excited like I've never been about a sport before (except when WVU beat Louisville in triple overtime at Mo'Town!). When Junior, Hamlin, and Kyle Bush were 3 wide in the back stretch, I was screaming my head off. When Junior passed Kyle Bush in turn 2 (and consequently, right in front of my seat) I was actually jumping up and down. We were screaming and jumping. I thought I was going to see Junior's first win since May 2006. But then Kyle Bush slammed him into the wall. @&#$ing cheating Kyle Bush! Even though Junior didn't win - it was an awesome race. And all I have to say is - I heart Nascar!!! :)

The funniest thing I saw all day:

Dying at the Pump

2008-04-26T16:18:00.003-04:00

I was driving to see my nephew's last track meet of the season on Thursday, and I passed the local Sheetz. I nearly wrecked my car. $3.77/gallon for regular unleaded. Good God! The irony of gas prices is that they vary from gas station to gas station. For example Sheetz was $3.77/gallon...the 7-11 less than 1/2 mile from the Sheetz was $3.69/gallon...and the 7-11 that is about 2 miles from the Sheez was $3.55/gallon. WTF? How can three gas stations within a 5 mile radius, and all in the same state and county, have three different prices for gas? One of the stations was charging $0.22 more a gallon. Someone is laughing their ass all the way to the bank, and it isn't me or any of the other Americans trying to fill up at the pump. 2007 marked the biggest year of profits EVER for the oil companies. How ironic - considering 2008 is going to mark the beginning of a recession for America. I agree that we need to invest in alternative fuel sources. But that's going to help in the long run - we need help now. We can start by putting someone in the White House who isn't sharing wealth with the oil companies. It must be nice to pad your pockets while the average American is dying at the pump. It's time for change. January 2009 can't come quick enough!

Concert of the Summer

2008-04-19T14:05:00.003-04:00

Ah, it's that time again. The trees are in bloom, the birds are chirping, and tickets are going on sale for the summer concert season. Wahooo! Today I made my first purchase (and likely BEST purchase) for concert tickets in 2008 - Crue Fest. My sister sent me the announcement last week. I've seen Crue before and I wasn't much impressed. But...this is the best part...this isn't just a Crue concert. On the line up with Crue - Buckcherry, Papa Roach, Trapt, and Sixx A.M. My 16yo niece almost had a heart attack. Let's put it this way - she was scheduled to attend a medical conference at Stanford University in California during the weekend that Crue Fest will be in town. She cancelled the trip. I purchased tickets today. We're 16 rows from the stage. Pretty awesome. Jamie put the kabosh on pit seats. But that's ok - I've had enough pit for a while. It's gonna rock. It will also be Jamie and I's first concert together. He's in for a treat! We all get a little wild at the rock shows - not showing your boobies wild - but definitely jumping/screaming wild. Let the count down begin - it's officially 13 weeks and 1 day until the concert. :)

Those Who Can - Do

2008-04-18T22:04:00.003-04:00

A fellow pharmacist and supervisor shared some words of wisdom with me this week. When I told him that I had been selected for an interview with the position at SU, he just shook his head. He then told me that I would make a terrible teacher. I took great offense to this and stomped out of his office. I suppose common sense finally kicked in and he realized how callous his comment was. He approached me later that day and told me that he didn't mean his words in the literal sense. I just glared at him. He then said, "Those who can - do; those who can't - teach." I then informed him that I took even greater offense to this comment because teaching is in my blood. My mom spent 33 years of her life shaping the lives of the youth in our community. Her effects are still felt in some individuals' lives. I have had friends tell me that my mom was their inspiration to pursue a teaching degree. I have had friends tell me that my mom's compassion for the underprivelaged has inspired them to contribute back to society. I have had strangers stop me in the store and tell me that my mom changed their lives. Needless to say, my mom's a pretty awesome woman. My Nanny dedicated 41 years of her live to shaping the lives of first graders. She retired to stay at home with me. She shaped my live tremendously. When she passed away 8 years ago, the chapel was filled with former students and coworkers. My mom got her abilities honestly. :) My esteemed coworker then clarified that his comment only applied to those teaching in post-high school institutions. (Nice recovery!) I suppose the glaring darkness in my eyes caused him to further clarify his position. He then blurted out, "You're one of our best pharmacists. I don't want to lose you. I think you would be bored teaching. You give so much to our department and we need to you to keep doing that." Why didn't you just say that in the first place? I have had time to reflect on his comments - especially the insults. I agree with his "those who can" statement - but my belief in that statement ends starkly at the "do". I don't believe those who pursue careers in academia "can't" be pharmacists. Their desires just lie in a different area. I will say that my love in pharmacy comes from the impact I have on my patients' lives. Whether it be a warning about a side effect when I'm counseling a patient - or when I'm making an amiodarone bolus for a code - I am directly affecting the outcome of a patient's life. It's a heavy burden to carry, but I wouldn't want to spend my life doing anything else. It's taken me two years to develop some of the relationships I have with our physicians. Now some of them call the pharmacy and ask for me by name. Talk about a reward! :) So since I can... I think I'll do...and I'll keep doing it at the VA. :)

P.S. - I officially withdrew my name from consideration for the SU position.

In Honor of Dr. King

2008-04-13T14:07:00.001-04:00

Got Hope?

2008-04-08T18:29:00.004-04:00

If you pull in my driveway, this is the first thing you see. :) My mother purchased this awesome Obama head for display at my house. Isn't it the coolest? I have it displayed with my Obama 08 sign. I made my first ever monetary contribution to a political campaign last week. I never thought that I'd ever throw money at a politician. That being said, if there was ever a man that could change the course of this country, it is Barack Obama. And - I am going to do everything in my power to get him elected in November. (Sorry honey, this includes tying you up on election day so that you cannot vote for McCain!!! Ah, my Republican boyfriend...God love him. One day he'll see the errors of his way. But, until he does, I'll have to keep the rope handy.)

Senator Jay Rockefeller is officially supporting Obama's bid for the presidency. And apparently, he's also pissing off McCain. Honestly, mudslinging will only hurt our efforts to win the election. It was in the 2004 election that the Republicans were attempting to tarnish Kerry's service record. McCain is decorated war veteran - no one should attempt to take that away from him. His military service record should not be the focal point of this election. We need to focus the current state of affairs in the United States - the war in Iraq, ever rising gas prices, the impending recession, a crashing housing market, etc, etc, etc. Let's not focus on a war that was fought 40 years ago. Obama can change this country for the better. I know it.

The Sun Does Shine...

2008-04-05T19:57:00.002-04:00

This past week made me realize what has made me so miserable at work lately - lack of patient contact. I spent this entire week up on the 4th floor working with patients who were preparing for discharge from the hospital. It was awesome. I've missed that interaction so much. Granted - there were some catankerous old men who wanted nothing more than for me to leave them alone - but on the whole, it was refreshing. I was discharging this 89yo guy and asked him if he had any questions for me. He replied, "I sure do Honey. Will you run away with me? We can get married and I'll fix you prime rib every night." HA! He was so cute. Then there was the guy who ripped his IV out while I was talking to him and showed me the needle. It was at this point that I realized his competancy was in question. At this point, I also ran for the nurse because I don't do needles or blood. Then there was the manic guy at the nurses station banging the tissue box demanding a doctor come see him N-O-W. He was dropping the F bomb like no one's business...but as soon as the cops came up the back stairwell and showed him they were packing heat - he immediately stopped banging the tissue box. He was escorted to the psych ward for an olanzapine shake. I also spent some time in the ICU working on a complex case. That was pretty challenging. And I even spent some time on 5C, our intermediate care unit, talking to a veteran about his medications. He was so appreciative that I sat down to talk with him. He really touched my heart. So - now I know what I need to keep me happy - patients!

Friday I also received my final letter of rec for the SU position. I am going through with the application. I just need to get out of the basement and back with my patients. Whether that means I get the 4th floor clinical job at the VA or leave for SU - I have to get out of the four walls. See...the sun does shine after all. :)

Just Released - Ahsirt's Country Songs

2008-03-25T12:38:00.003-04:00

Yesterday ended my 5 day straight streak at work. I turned in 30 minutes of comp time so that I could be on my way to Little Orleans by 4. I brought a change of clothes so I didn't drag VA germs to my honey's house. When I waved goodbye to my coworkers, Cathy asked why I had changed my clothes. I told her that I didn't want to wear my scruffy scrubs to Jamie's house. She laughed and said, "Oh, so it's ok for you guys to share spit, but not MRSA?" Pretty catchy line... She then told me that this whole situation was a country song waiting to be penned. Here are some song titles we came up with before I left:

"I Think You're Scruffy Scrubs are Sexy"
"I Want Your C. Diff"
"When I Get Your MRSA"
"Pick-Up Trucks and the Flu"
"There's Something About a Pharmacist"

The Discontent of Ahsirt

2008-03-08T20:04:00.003-05:00

The past couple weeks have been rather stressful. Each day I grow more and more discontent with my position at my current job. I'm tired of the lack of respect. I'm tired of the lies about potential. This week my discontent was culminated with a summons to "the office." I was informed that my attitude needed adjusted and that I needed to be a team player. Holy cow! I've always thought of myself as a huge team player. The ironic part - just the evening before our evening pharmacist sent an email to my supervisor requesting 30 minutes comp time for me for staying to help her get caught up. And I'm not a team player...

My getting summoned to the office was a result of my expressing discontent with our new ADDS machine policy. This particular machine is not located in our hospital - it is in fact located 35 minutes away in a clinic...a clinic staffed with a pharmacist. I was told that this pharmacist doesn't have to finish orders because of her "clinical" status. I was then informed that I am a staff pharmacist and therefore must finish the order. It was at this junction that I was fed up. I informed progam analyst (note - this person insulting my intelligence wasn't even a pharmacist) that I found her comments offensive. I informed her that I have Doctor of Pharmacy attached to my name and that I'm residency trained - thus insinuating that I'm a grunt is a bit offensive. I also informed her that it was insulting to the other pharmacists on our team who have been doing clinical work for 20 years without compensation or recognition. She then ran and told "The Chief" that I wasn't playing nice. The next morning I was summoned for an attitude adjustment. I promptly informed my direct supervisor of this summons - and I received an apology for the summons. I'm sick of the bullshit.

And then there was a glimmer of hope - sent in the form of an email from a former professor. My alma mater is currently recruiting for an Inpatient Acute faculty member. I went to my direct supervisor's office and asked for a letter of recommendation for my application. He begrudginly agreed - he also promised to try to fix the things that are causing my discontent. I told him that he couldn't fix them - some things are beyond repair.

So...who would've thought that I would be considering switching to academia? I certainly wouldn't have dreamed it. I've been batting it around in my head and I've decided I am applying for the position. It's time for change. The season of malcontent is over. Whether I actually get the position or not, I will have grown from this process. Mainly, I will know that I have the strength to empower change in my life. Bring it on. :)

You're a What?!?

2008-02-09T14:07:00.000-05:00

Holy crap - is that a NASCAR picture on my blog? Why yes, I believe it is. Not only is there a NASCAR picture (Dale Junior for those who are Nascar illiterate) doning my blog, there is also an 88 (Dale Junior's car number) shirt hangning in my closet. I also have vacation time approved to attend the Richmond NASCAR Race in May and September. And here's the kicker - today, the Drug Lords drafted a fantasy NASCAR team. Holy hell! Tonight, my plans include watching the Budweiser Shoot Out. Apparently somewhere between September 2007 and February 2008 I have become quite the little Nascar fan. Gee, I wonder what could've spawned this change? :) I'm discussing racing teams with the technicians at work like I've always been part of this world. Words like "Hendrick Sports" and "DEI" are floating around. I'm also dropping names of drivers who before last fall I didn't even know existed. The sexy driver on Cathy's locker now has a name - not just rippling pecs and abs. HA! She told me I was headed down the wrong road when I said, "Hey, isn't that Kasey Kahne?" instead of, "Whooooa, look at those abs, and his happy line!!!!" She gave up on me at that point.

However, I must admit, if you would've asked me last year if I would purchase Nascar merchandise, let alone attend a race, I'd tell you firmly "Hell no!" I guess some people do change. In my case, it just took a couple times cuddled up on the couch watching the excitement in someone else's eyes. I'm hooked...and I must say, it does look like 08 is going to be 88's year. :)

The Biggest Sell Out

2008-01-27T16:27:00.000-05:00

Anyone who remotely knows me personally knows that Buckcherry is my all time favorite band. In 1999, my brother sent me an mp3 from an unknown rock band. He said, "Check these guys out - they remind me of Guns N Roses from their Appetite days." So, I played the mp3 and I was hooked. The mp3 was Buckcherry's "Lit Up." Within a week I had purchsed their self=titled debut album. The following spring (May 2001), my brother called me with the most exciting news - Buckcherry was playing The Preakness kick celebration in Baltimore. I was s-t-o-k-e-d to say the least. We went and they freaking rocked. They were a gritty, pure rock and roll band. There was no glitz and glamor. It was just a bunch of guys with guitars and hard hitting rock music. I fell in love with them all over again. I went back to see them in July 2001 at a bar in Towson, Maryland. My friend and I arrived 2 hours before the show so we could be right up against the stage. We were 2 rows off the stage. It rocked. Again - no glitz, no glamor. At the end of the set, Yogi threw me his pick. It was a great bar show. I acrued every album ever released by the guys. When the band dissolved in 2002, I think I actually cried. I even purchased Josh Todd's solo album - because it still sounded like Buckcherry. Fast forward to Christmas 2005...My brother gave me a Japanese import of the NEW Buckcherry album "15." I had the album 6 months before the US had even heard "Crazy Bitch." Last May, I drove 5 hours to see them in concert in Ohio. It had been 6 years since I had seen them live and I was so excited. Not only did I get to hear them play, but I also met the band and got their autographs. It was awesome!

Then they sold out to the man. I saw them live again in August of last year...and they sucked. Josh Todd acted entirely pissed off to even be on the stage. There was no energy. It was flat. It was a huge disappointment. I am hearing words like "crossover singles" and "appearances on Jay Leno." Holy shit...what happened to the bar show, no glitz, no glamor, pure rock and roll that I loved? Somewhere between "Crazy Bitch" and "Sorry" Buckcherry lost their edge. My God, they're getting play time on Pop radio stations and MTV! My favorite band sold out to the man. *sigh* So - I've decided that it's unhealthy to hold onto them. They can't be what I want them to be anymore. So - I delted their ring tone from my cell phone, downloaded a Papa Roach song, and decided to move on with my life. So - here's to Buckcherry - it was a great 7 years of devotion. I wish you'd get your edge back - maybe one day you will. Goodbye.

Roe v Wade at 35

2008-01-22T18:34:00.000-05:00

Today marks the 35th anniversary of Roe v Wade. I doubt there are many Americans who do not know the results of this infamous court case. Unfortunately, most do not know the principle of the case - or that a similar case was being decided at the same time which had similar results, Doe v Bolton. Doe v Bolton has slipped into obscurity. Both cases challenged abortion laws, both in Texas. Roe was an unmarried pregnant woman, while Doe was actually a married couple who had been advised to not conceive a child due to a "neuro-chemical" imbalance. Doe was not actually pregnant, but was challenging the laws in case of failure of contraceptive. The Supreme Court decided that most laws against abortion in the United States violated a constitutional right to privacy under the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment. The decision overturned all state and federal laws outlawing or restricting abortion that were inconsistent with its holdings.

Being a liberal feminist, I am pro-choice. My feelings on my personal choices have changed significantly in the past 5 years. I am a proud supporter of Planned Parenthood. I whole-heartedly support their "Fill My Pills Now" campaign. This does not mean I am pro-abortion. I worry about the ethics and morality of anyone who thinks that abortion is a "solution" to pregnancy. There are a myriad of options - but I do think abortion should be available as an option.

I have come to the realization that I would never be able to have an abortion as a means of birth control. It would be ethically wrong for a 26yo female with my financial stability and family support to terminate a pregnancy because it was inconvenient. Of course, also being a very educated 26yo female, I also take precautions against being placed in that predicament. If only we all took more precautions... My significant other has two very young nieces who are with child. One is 19. Having a child at 17 caused her to forgo her childhood and grow up rather quickly. However, I am convinced that having the child enriched her life. She is quite possibly the most mature, level headed 19yo I have met. And her child is immersed in so much love - not only from herself, but also from aunts, uncles, grandparents, great grandparents, and great-great grandparents. It's amazing to watch the family dynamic there. The other niece...she just turned 16 and has a lot of growing up to do - and a new baby to support. I worry about her. That being said, I don't think I could plausibly say that either should have had an abortion. It is not my place.

As Roe v Wade turns 35, I do worry about its longevity. Will the constitutional right to a legal abortion survive? I don't know. I know I do fear the consequences of outlawing abortion. Anyone who thinks that abortion will "disappear" if it is made illegal is naive. For those who do, I think you should look at the war on drugs, prostitution, and drunk driving - all illegal, yet still thriving in our society.

To Honor Dr. King

2008-01-21T11:21:00.000-05:00

Today is quite possibly one of my favorite holidays of the year. There are no presents exchanged, no decorations placed around the house, and certainly no fancy meals prepared. However, today is quite possibly one of the most important holidays of the year. Today we celebrate the birthday of a Civil Rights Leader - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. - a man who stood in the face of adversity and racism and never faultered. In the face of violence, such as that experienced in Selma, he stood behind words and faith. He did not fight violence with violence. He is an inspiration to us all - no matter our skin color.

Dr. King's work lives on today - especially in the South. We see inequality in Jenna, where young African American boys were indicted on trumped up charges by a white sheriff, and in New Orleans, where many, many people are still displaced and homeless as the result of Katrina. Sadly, we also see inequality in a Presidential race. Comments such as, "American's not ready for a black President," are being spoken today. Fear not Dr. King, your legacy lives on. We are still fighting for equality of ALL peoples - white, black, Middle Eastern, Asian, Jewish, Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, etc, etc. You have brought us a long way Dr. King - however the journey is not over yet. Thank you Dr. King for your inspiration, your courage, and your faith.

A Portion of Dr. King's I Have A Dream Speech:

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."²

This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.

Thoughts for the New Year

2008-01-17T21:38:00.001-05:00

So a friend from college dropped me a line to let me know that my absence from the blogsphere has been noticed. Point well taken. I figure it's the new year, so this post should be a reflection of the year past and a prophetic look to the coming year. 2007 was pretty good. Here's a list of things I accomplished in 2007:

1) Met the members of Buckcherry in person - have the autographs to prove it
2) Drug my 16yo niece to a real rock concert, and let her experience "the floor"
3) Proved my ability to run the hospital pharmacy on an evening shift
4) Demanded a life saving medication for one of my patients - and got it
5) Witnessed a code...sadly unsuccessful
6) Hit a deer - my first auto accident
7) Learned to knit
8) Began my career as a hospital pharmacist
9) Met a great guy who is not intimidated by my career or my intelligence
10) Decided that being a staff pharmacist is MY CAREER CHOICE - not a stumbling block

Here's a list of things I hope to accomplish in 2008:

1) Help elect the first ever African American President of the United States
2) Fight fairly - stop rehashing the past
3) Meet the members of Papa Roach
4) Drag my niece to no less than 3 great rock concerts
5) Decide whether I want to work the evening shift permenantly
6) Stand up to the Chief of Pharmacy and tell him that I find it extremely offensive that he thinks my being a staff pharmacist is a stumbling block and a disappointment
7) Knit a sweater
8) Start an IRA
9) Love myself wholely and unconditionally
10) Watch WVU win the BCS National Championship

There ya go Butts. Stay tuned for more posts. :)

November Already?!

2007-11-14T22:23:00.000-05:00

Good God, where did fall go? Apparently I've been living my life for Sundays and Mondays - because somewhere between the weekends, the entire month of October slipped away. It's not that I don't have a good reason to live for Sundays and Mondays - it's just that I feel like I've lost time or something. I realized this evening that Thanksgiving is a week away and my birthday is two days away. Last time I looked at a calendar it was the middle of October!

As I stand on the cusp of the ripe age of 26, I'm a little lost. I'm definitely at a different point in my life at 26 than either of my siblings. There were babies and husbands/wives by 26. Let's see - baby? No...marriage? No... Hmmm...not quite measuring up to the siblings there. All in good time, right? Ah hell, I stopped trying to live their lives two years ago. I realized I couldn't live my life on their timelines...and if I did, I would fail miserably. I love my job and my coworkers...but I hate working weekends. I keep hearing this voice in my head that I'm not living up to my potential. I love being a staff pharmacist, but that damn nagging voice keeps say - "Jesus Christ, you completed a residency to become a staff pharmacist?!" I've been feeding the voice ranitidine and omeprazole to shut it up. I had my performance appraisal today - OUTSTANDING on all marks. Take that voice! I did lecture at SU two weeks ago. It was amazing. I actually had the students closing their laptops to interact with me. We were discussing antibiotics and a patient case. They were excited. As I exited the lecture hall, no less than five students approached me and asked me to return and lecture again. Thanks Mom and Nan...you're love for educating is starting to show through in me as well. I felt comfortable at the podium. Perhaps that is where I need to be? Doubtful - I couldn't give up my practice. Academia is too "boxed" for me. But I do rather enjoy the opportunity to dabble in that field. I dont' know where I'll end my days - but for now staff pharmacist will do...shut up voice.

On a more positive note, the butterflies are most definitely still present. It's a great feeling. It's been a long time since I've felt this way - and it's a good feeling. I suppose my butterflies were put to a test last week - when the pharmacist co-worker I've been jonesing for finally decided that I was dating material. I had been waiting on that day since I started working at the hospital (1.5 years for anyone who's counting). The day came a month too late...the butterflies won out. :) I'm sure, come Friday, I'll wake up feeling as tired as I did on Thursday. 26 won't feel any different than 25. Just was 25 didn't feel any different than 24. However, I have to admit, 26 is a lot closer to 30 than 24 was...

Butterflies

2007-10-08T22:50:00.000-04:00

For the first time in a long time, I've got butterflies. It's been a long time since I was this excited/nervous/anxious/happy about my love life. Granted, it's a long way from love - but it's on the right track. We've done the requisite "Meet the Parents." It was no Ben Stiller - but it was kinda funny. A good kind of funny. He's just a genuinely nice, sweet guy. There's a sort of innocence to the whole thing that is so charming. The door opening and hand holding is something I'm not quite used to. But, boy could I ever get used to this! Apparently, I've made a rather favorable impression on his family. His step father is quite excited that I'm a drug dealer. I reminded him that I'm a legal drug dealer...but a drug dealer, nonetheless. He liked my sense of humor. So - I'm very excited...and pretty happy. Keep your fingers crossed...

In My Absence....

2007-10-03T11:54:00.000-04:00

It's been a little while since I post (over a month). I've been in a whirlwind of crap. Working evening shifts, working B shifts, working weekends, going to WVU games...and entertaining a new guy. It appears that the blog has taken a back seat. Grafs has vacated the blogsphere. I'm beginning to think I may have to as well - especially if the new beau continues to grow. :)

To The NFL...

2007-08-20T22:23:00.000-04:00

Should you decide to not indefinitely suspend Michael Vick, I will no longer be a loyal fan. Should you decide to allow him to return to the NFL at any time, I will no longer be a loyal fan. Should you decide to even allow him to wear a football jersey, I wll no longer be a loyal fan. Get the point?

To the Judicial System...
...I think a fitting punishment for Michael Vick is to attach electrodes to his ears and place him in a tube of ice cold water and then allow Ray Lewis to beat the living shit out of him. Eye for an eye?

Veteran Humor

2007-08-17T11:45:00.000-04:00

Last night I worked my third evening shift in a row. Let's just say the evening shifts have tethered between absolutely insane and busy. Last night I was running up to the narcotic vault for the second time, when a veteran standing down near the Emergency Room said hello. I smiled and returned his greeting. I turned the corner to enter the pharmacy and out of the corner of my eye saw him grasp his chest. He yelled, "Nurse!" I, not being a nurse, turned around and started to run towards him. I said, "I'm not a nurse." And he replied, while clutching his chest, "Are you a doctor?" I said, "No, I'm a pharmacist." He stopped clutching his chest and said, "Oh...well in that case do you have my medications for me?" Apparently the puzzled look on my face shocked him. He said, "Oh, I was just kidding with the chest grabbing thing. I just wanted to see your pretty face again." I think I could've slugged him. Number one - I was extremely busy. Number two - he scared the shit out of me, because I thought he was having a heart attack. I did smile and tell him to have a good night...and get another pick up line. He laughed and wandered down the hall. I think the war may have addled his brain...

Another Reason to Hate the War

2007-08-04T21:01:00.000-04:00

I was processing transfer orders in the Inpatient Pharmacy on Thursday when I received quite the shock. The veteran who was transfering from our Inpatient Acute Psychiatry floor to our PTSD Domiciliary Program was 18-years-old. Another youth of America battered, bruised, and scarred for life from a political war. A glance at his profile revealed severe PTSD secondary to watching his best friend be "blown up." He'll probably pull through his acute decompensation; however, he'll carry this burden the rest of his life. It enraged me. Eighteen-years-old and unable to function in soceity, sharing a room with a 60yo Vietnam Vet, homeless, abandoned by his family. There are no winners in this war - just miserable losers.

Lessons From California

2007-08-01T21:15:00.000-04:00

I just returned from a short vacation in San Francisco. It was a much needed break. :) I learned some valuable lessons on this trip. First and foremost - never, never, never fly JetBlue airlines. There's a reason their fares are dirt cheap - and it ain't because they're a great airline. The second lesson was that California is light years ahead of the east coast in regards to wind power. Driving out the the giant trees, there were huge wind mill farms. However, I must admit, their smog problem is a bit overwhelming. I suppose not burning fossil fuels for power is the least they could do. Third, I'm not so sure that "happy cows come from California." Most of the cows I saw looked miserable. They were rather scrawny and were put out to pasture in fields that looked like they hadn't received a drop of rain since the turn of the century. I can't speak for all cows, but I'm sure WV cows would agree that GREEN grass is much better than burnt, brown, dead grass. Just a thought...

Since my last post, I have worked three additional evening shifts. My schedule got switched when we realized one of our pharmacists can't handle the stress of working alone. Let's see, he's been a pharmacist for 20 years and makes the same salary as I and doesn't have to work evenings. Sounds fair, right? I'm not bitching too much - night differential pads the check a little more. Since commanding that evening from Hell, I have found that there's pretty much nothing they can throw at me that I can't handle. I'm not saying I won't stress out about it, but I can definitely handle it.

And Roma this is for you - my Harry Potter synopsis. Unlike Roma, I rather enjoyed the fifth movie. I thought integral parts were left out; however I liked the dark feeling of the movie. I hated the fourth movie. So, I'm hoping this director stays for the rest of the series. To prevent spoiling the 7th book for anyone who hasn't read it - I'll just say that I confess myself severely disappointed in the ending. I found it anticlimactic. I was left wondering where the final chapter was...maybe I got one of those books missing pages??? I also felt at the end there were just deaths for the sake of dying, rather than for a cause. Such a disapointing end to an amazing book series. Any thoughts Roma?

Buckcherry concert countdown = 3 weeks, 3 days

Evening Shift

2007-07-14T11:29:00.000-04:00

Last night I worked my first evening shift as a staff pharmacist. Note to supervisor - do not schedule new staff pharmacist for first evening shift ever on Friday 13th! Holy shit - it was a nightmare. Let me preface this by saying that on evening shifts only one pharmacist is present in the entire hospital - no techs, no help. I felt like I was stranded on a desert island. Here's the night in summary - veteran admitted around 4:00 with shortness of breath - determined to have coagulopathy (also was on warfarin with supratherapeutic INR). This same vet was later diagnosed with diffuse alveolar hemorrhage and failed intubation twice. An anaesethesiologist had to intubate. This poor man kept me in the IV room and the ICU for 4 hours. I made the fentanyl drip and took it up to him. He was covered in blood. The ICU attending ran me back downstairs to make a stat norepinephrine drip. Meanwhile the man in the bed beside him had a critically low K and needed fluids, K runners, and K packets. Did I also mention that his propofol ran out as did his insulin drip??? Let me back up and explain fenantyl drips - to get fentanyl I have to go to the Outpatient Narcotic Vault to dispense it out and then carry it downstairs to the IV room and then compound the drip and then carry that upstairs to the fourth floor. So - fentanyl drips are kind of a big deal (not to mention that the fentanyl is in ampules!). Meanwhile, we had 3 admits to the acute care floor and I received 5 missing doses for various patients. Add to that a discharge from the acute floor. It was a bit hectic. So finally, around 9:30, after I got all the meds sent out, I figured things were slowing down. Yea - not even close. I got the call at 9:30 that the alveolar hemorrhage patient was dying and would die without recombinant factor VIIa (read - EXPENSIVE, RARE DRUG). I found two vials in our fridge - but the guy needed two vials per dose AND needed it every 2 hours until he stopped bleeding. And then the real fun began. I got him his first dose and then spent the next 2 hours searching for more. Oh and did I mention that the nurses refused to give it as it is not in their scope? Yea - the hits just kept coming. So I called the local hospital - none. I called Winchester - go fish. I called Washington County - go fish. I called Frederick - go fish. I called DC VAMC - go fish (after I spelled the Novoseven, told them the generic, and the use for the drug). I called Walter Reed - apparently their pharmacists go home at 4. I called Baltimore VAMC - SCORE. I got 4 vials - but then I couldn't get anyone to get it for me. I called the fire department told them this guy was dying now and needed the drug in 1 hour (Baltimore is 1.5 hours from here). Fire department basically told me that it wasn't their priority as they were short staffed. AOD informed me that the local taxi service would not drive to Baltimore. Finally a driver for the facility came in for OT to pick up the drug. I left at 12:30 - 30 minutes after my shift ended. I don't know when the Novoseven arrived - I don't know if the guy is still alive. I went home - put my feet up - drank 2 beers and went to bed. Holy shit - what a night. But - even when I was sweating my ass off and totally stressed out, I was thinking to myself - I LOVE THIS! :)

Happy 4th of July

2007-07-04T11:27:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I received my Instant Karma album in the mail. What a fitting way to start celebrating Independence Day. Yoko Ono was right - John would be proud. The album is amazing. It's stimulating - it's moving. Again, I am even more impressed by a band that I once thought was a just a silly Pop group. The Blacked Eyes Peas provide an awesome cover of Power to the People. Listening to that song makes me think of the Civil Rights demonstrations of the 1960s. The beat rocks. In honor of Independence Day, I printed out a membership form for the Berkeley County Democrats. I think I'm ready to start becoming more politically active. Too bad Roma moved away - we could've rallied together! I also took a minute today and thought of all the men and women currently serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, as well as those preparing to deploy. I cannot begin to express my disappointment in our Democratic leaders who would not stand their ground and force an end to this pathetic war. Here's to hoping the Democrats find their spine and our boys/girls come home before next Independence Day.

"W" is in our town to celebrate the 4th. Last time he came to town, I proudly stood along his parade route and held a Kerry/Edwards sign. Unfortunately, he's staying tucked away at our local Air National Guard base. I'd love to show him a homemade Obama sign. Actually he's screwing up my 4th of July partying plans. We have a big picnic planned and the road to my house has been shut down by the Secret Service. Thanks for ruining my day Mr. President! Hopefully him and his parade of Secret Service agents will vacate the area prior to the start of the party - and definitely before we set off our multitude of illegal fireworks. I think it would be a fitting tribute to our founding fathers if I protested not only Bush's presence in my small town - but his presence in the White House, his foreign policy, his crony-ism exhibited by his commuting Scooter Libby's sentence, and his absolute ignorance.

Amnesity Lights a Fire

2007-06-26T18:32:00.000-04:00

I received my monthly issue of The Nation yesterday (a gift bestowed to me by Roma when I earned my doctorate degree). I admit that over the past couple months, I have not been as politically active as I would've liked. Yes, I'm still writing petitions - especially for Planned Parenthood - but I feel like I let my zeal go. When I turned over my new edition, I discovered an ad for Amnesity International. I ended up purchasing the Instant Karma CD and received the 6 bonus tracks for using my AMEX. I added the player to my blog so everyone else could sample the music and, more importantly, sign the petition. After browsing through the songs, I have to agree with the ad - John Lennon would've been proud. He would've been proud that a younger generation of musicians were using their popularity to promote a very worthy cause. I also think he'd be proud that this same generation could cover his songs and do it with such grace that you can actually hear Lennon's songs. I think my little liberal magazine and its ad have lit a little fire under my ass. I'm ready to get back in the scene - and for more than just Planned Parenthood. I'm a little peaved at the Democratic Congress right now. America voted for a change and I think it's time they stuck to their guns and tried to change course in Iraq. They backed down on their spending bill, and they cave whenever they meet just the slightest resistance. I didn't vote for this. I voted for CHANGE. I'm ready to stand up and "be my brother's keeper." Election year is only 6 short months away. I'm glad I'm finding my zeal again. :)

Summer in Summary

2007-06-21T22:02:00.000-04:00

So...this is my first post as a full-time, staff pharmacist at the VA. Funny, it feels the same as all the other posts. Oddly enough, it feels the same at the VA too. I think a big obstacle with staying on down there is that I need to break out of this residency mold. I personally have shed that skin, but there are some people down there that still see that skin. I'm working on it.

Today I helped diffuse a disgruntled vet at the pick-up window at the pharmacy. As with every other realm of pharmacy, Mr. Vet was not necessarily mad at the pharmacy, but rather mad at the world. As the saying goes, shit slides down hill. Apparently he had some frustrating experiences with his physicians early that day and decided that my volunteer made a great punching bag. I, however, decided that this was not permissable. I carried his case of epsom salt to his car. When I got to the car with him, he turned and said, "You know, I was a real jackass back there. I'm sorry." I told him that I accepted his apology but wanted him to know that his anger was very displaced. He acknowledged this and asked me to pass on his apology to our volunteer. After I helped him load the epsom salt in his car, he got a t-shirt out of the back for me. He thanked me for my patience with him and my friendly smile. In return for being nice, I got a VFW t-shirt. I was quite impressed by the situation.

In concert news, this truly has become the summer of all summers for concerts. Rock on the Range kicked off a hell of a summer line up. In a couple weeks, I'm going to see Nickelback, Daughtry, and Staind with the VA crew. The seats suck, but the company is good. The first week in August, I'm going to see the Black Crowes with my two best VA pals. Then to wrap it all up, Cathy & I are going to see Papa Roach, Hinder, and BUCKCHERRY the last weekend in August. Yes, for those of you that are counting, that makes two Buckcherry concerts in 3 months. :) Buckcherry started the summer of concerts, and it will end it. Very fitting, very fitting indeed.

Closing Another Chapter

2007-06-10T21:38:00.000-04:00

And so I close another chapter in my book of life. :) This time the closing isn't bittersweet. It's nothing but pure sweetness. I graduated from my PGY-1 residency this past Saturday. Tomorrow I start my full-time position. :) I spent the last couple days cleaning out my office and moving into my locker. My sister says this sounds like a demotion rather than a promotion. However, I'm actually quite proud of my locker. It has a prime location. Joe was the previous owner - which gives it rockstar appeal. My neighbors are pretty awesome - Cathy to the left and Corey to the right. Pictured above are me on the right and my fellow resident - Grafs - on the left. So here's to the first day of my new career and the first day of making double and a half of my resident stipend. :)

So Far

2007-06-02T14:41:00.000-04:00

Ten points if you recognized that the last two titles to posts are Buckcherry song titles. :) So far, this has been a great year. For the first time in a long time, I can actually say I'm happy. I enjoy getting up and going to work every day. I feel rejuvinated. My residency is officially over this coming Friday. There were days I hated it, days I loved it, and days I couldn't wait until freaking June 8. For the first time, the end of something isn't bittersweet. Sure I'll miss the 30 minute walks around the VA and the "rock star" persona the residents have at the VA. However, at 25, being the rock star isn't as important anymore. I'm ready to be the respected staff pharmacist. I'm ready to help coach our new residents to be "rock stars" for a year. I guess I'm making that final transition to full-fledged pharmacist. I know now that I am ready. And this is good - because Monday, June 11 I transition to my full-time staff position at the VA. I still smile when I say it...and I think I'll be smiling for a long time when I think about my job choice. As far as my personal life...there are still some glaring holes, but I finally have surrounded myself with people that support me and make me feel whole, rather than sucking the life out of me. The best part is, they're my co-workers. So now, they're enriching my life personally and professionally. It's amazing. And...I've found someone who can jump up and down with me when we listen to Buckcherry. HA! It's a good feeling. So far, I feel better than I've felt in a long time. I feel healthy and inspired. I look in the mirror and I'm pretty happy with the person I see looking back at me. Gone is the bleach blond hair and the extra pounds. Looking back is a clear face and a shaplier body. And the hair - it's now brown with some fun color in it. The best part - staring back at me is a strong, independent, intelligent woman who is confident in her position in life. Apparently this residency taught me more than drug knowledge. I got more from this experience than I ever could've imagined. So far, I have no regrets about chosing this path. And being that there are only 5 days left of the residency, I don't think there ever will be any regrets. It's about time I stop regretting decisions I've made and start embracing them. Finally, so far, Buckcherry is still the greatest band in the world (see Joe - I am relentless in that). :)

Crazy Bitch

2007-05-20T19:23:00.000-04:00

I returned today from the concert event of my life. Rock on the Range rocked. It had been 5 years since I last saw Buckcherry. Oh my God, they rock harder now then they did then. Their guitarist is amazing. The drummer was awesome. And Josh Todd...he's better than ever. After their set, Cathy and I ran to the area where their tour bus was parked. We got to meet the entire band - and got some autographs (as shown in the picture). The drummer stood with us for 10 minutes shooting the shit about the band, the tour, Ohio, etc. It was great. A roadie shared a Snapple Fun Fact with us. "Humans and koalas are the only animals with distinct finger prints." He was awesome - and kind of instrumental in getting us to meet the band. They were AWESOME. I think I glowed the rest of the day. Chevelle was freaking awesome. They were so heavy - so loud - the bleachers vibrated! It was great. Papa Roach was freaking awesome. They were very loud. They had the crowd very energetic. 12 hours of driving and $300 later, I'm still reeling over the experience. It was totally worth it - I'd drive another 6 hours to see Buckcherry!!!! :)

Tickets to Concert - $60
Hotel Room - $70
Parking at Arena - $15
T-shirts to Commemerate Experience - $70
Bottle of Bud Light - $7.50
Meeting the Members of Buckcherry and Getting Their Autographs - FREAKING PRICELESS!

Conference Baltimore

2007-05-12T15:44:00.000-04:00

Today I returned from my final conference as a resident. I managed to pull off my poster presentation without too many hitches, not fall off the wall into the bay, and navigate my way back to the hotel after partying at the harbor for 4 hours. By far the highlight of the conference was the view from my hotel room (please see the picture above). With all the excitement of a small child, I opened the curtains to my hotel room and found Baltimore's Rescue Company 1. I jumped up and down and snapped the picture found above. Of course, the luster of the fire department wore off somewhere around 3:30am when for the 100th time the firetruck went out the door sirens whaling and horn blasting. This was all negated this morning when I got to watch the guys wash the trucks. I think the rest of the conference centered around something pharmacy related. Actually I jest...it was a pretty good conference. The fire department was just an added bonus.

May in a Whirlwind

2007-05-06T21:51:00.000-04:00

Reality sat in on Friday when I pulled the June schedule from my mailbox. I am officially a VA pharmacist. I'm on the payroll, and finally on the schedule. I did a little dance in the hallway. My gut did that little lurch it does when something new is around the corner. I happened to notice that June 30-July 1 I am staffing alone. I've never staffed alone...but I've staffed with other pharmacists that make me feel like I'm staffing alone, so maybe I am prepared after all. :)

The month of May is officially my last full month in residency - and in residency style is packed fulll of stuff. This past weekend I went to a murder mystery dinner. It was hilarious and thought provoking. I couldn't help but see the similarities in the sleezy-ball "husband" and a former friend's husband. It put goosebumps on the back of my neck. I leave Thursday for Baltimore to present my residency research project. It's been a couple years since I've been in Baltimore after dark. I'm looking forward to painting the town again! HA! (Side note - Last time I was in Baltimore I was kicked out of a bar and consequently had the best date of my life thus far.) The following weekend is Rock on the Range. I'm totally psyched. It has been 5 long years since I last saw Buckcherry. :) There's also an added bonus, but I'm trying really hard to not set expectations for the trip. The following weekend I'm staffing for the last time as a resident. Woohoo!!! And then...it's June. Hopefully I'll have more time to post between now and June. So here's to May, the end of my residency, and the concert of my life!!!! :)

Day of Mourning

2007-04-18T17:46:00.001-04:00

The students and professors at Virginia Tech and the residents of Blacksburg are in my thoughts and prayers.

Road Trip!!!

2007-04-04T22:20:00.000-04:00

Line Up:
BUCKCHERRY!!!
Evanescence
Hinder
Chevelle
Three Days Grace
Breaking Benjamin
Puddle of Mudd
Velvet Revolver
Papa Roach
ZZ Top
Black Stone Cherry
This could quite possibly be the concert event of my life...thus far. It's been six years since I've seen Buckcherry in concert and I am SOOOOOOOOO excited to see them again. This will also be the furtherest I've ever traveled to a concert. Mapquest places the commute at 5.5 hours. Columbus, Ohio here we come!

Fox News

2007-04-03T21:29:00.000-04:00

Dear Friends,
Fox News has a horrible record of attacking Black people, politicians, and cultural institutions. Despite this, the Congressional Black Caucus Institute has agreed to partner with Fox News to host presidential debates prior to the 2008 elections.

I have joined ColorOfChange.org in asking that the presidential candidates take a stand where the CBC has failed and refuse to participate in the CBCI/Fox debates. Please join me:

Color of Change

The CBC Institute, an organization led by Black members of Congress, claims to share ColorOfChange.org's goal of politically empowering Black America. But after being presented with the case against Fox and hearing vocal opposition from over 12,000 ColorOfChange.org members, the CBC Institute elected to complete a deal with Fox. We'd expect that they would recognize the obvious: that validating Fox News as legitimate hurts Black America, and undermines the CBC's credibility.

Fox's record is horrible. Their on-air personalities and regular guests consistently marginalize Black politicians, culture, and institutions. In fact, Sen. Obama has stopped giving interviews to Fox reporters because of repeated attacks on his character and intimations that he has connections to terrorism. Even the Democratic Party in Nevada backed out of doing a debate with Fox because of remarks about Obama, but the CBC Institute hasn't moved.

And it's not just Obama. Here's a sampling of the kind of offensive messages put out on Fox News:

Commenting on Hannity & Colmes about the speakers at Coretta Scott King's funeral, featured guest Mary Matalin said, "I think these civil rights leaders are nothing more than racists" who are keeping "their African-American brothers enslaved."

Jesse Lee Peterson, a regular guest who is Black said: "Kwanzaa is a racist, pagan, Marxist holiday" and then claimed that the "so-called seven principles of Kwanzaa are socialist, Marxist, separatist ideas... if a white man started a white holiday, seven-day white holiday, black folks would be burning down America."

Erik Rush, another Black guest, labeled Sen. Obama's church as cultish and separatist for espousing values of black unity and black empowerment (Fox regularly selects Black guests it knows will undermine Black causes). Rush said he replaced the word "black" with "white" in the church's mission statement and "Suddenly, I was looking at this really scary doctrine. You know, it was something that you'd see in more like a cult or an Aryan Brethren church… I would go beyond saying they're Afrocentric. They're African centric. They refer to themselves as an African people and that somewhat disturbs me from the viewpoint of well, do they consider themselves Americans? Do they consider themselves Christians?"

On The Big Story, John Gibson, warned viewers that nearly half of all children under the age of five in the United States are minorities. "You know what that means? Twenty-five years and the majority of the population is Hispanic." He then urged viewers to "do your duty. Make more babies." He later repeated: "To put it bluntly, we need more babies."
Given its record, Fox News shouldn't enjoy the support of Black political or cultural institutions connected to the Congressional Black Caucus. On the same grounds, presidential candidates should refuse to participate in a debate run by Fox, regardless of the CBCI's misguided decisions.

Color of Change

Thanks.
Ahsirt

PS - All apologies for the form letter; however Color of Change worded this much more eloquently than I would have.

No Respect

2007-03-30T21:53:00.000-04:00

West Virginia won the NIT championship, and, not suprisingly, still cannot get respect. Take notice to the lovely championship shirts the NIT printed up. Note to the NIT - West Virginia has three "i's" in it...not two. I just shake my head in disbelief.

Spring Fever

2007-03-20T21:51:00.000-04:00

Today we met with Dr. J from SU about residency standards. This is a bit *yawn* boring...and a bit late by my calculations. We also discussed when the official date for the end of my residency. I'm marking my calendar for Friday, June 1. That puts the residency countdown clock at 10 weeks. Is it June 1 yet? ...almost there...

Oderint Dum Metuant

2007-03-12T19:56:00.000-04:00

Today I started a new rotation at my residency. I travel to all the VA clinics in our service area and interview veterans new to the VA system. I figured most of the vets would be young; however I was very surprised. My patients today ranged from 26-89. There was one thing they all had in common - they all kicked me out of the examination room. Actually, they didn't kick me out. They were fine with me being in there to interview them, but when it came time for the physical examination, I had to go. Apparently this is the first time that the guys were so modest. The only guy that let me stay was the 26yo, and I could only stay on the stipulation that his pants stayed on. Fair enough. I was quite intrigued by his numerous tattoos. His ankle was encircled with "Veni vidi vici." I was impressed by the Latin. He had the requisite "Freedom is not Free" tattooed on his shoulder blade. The most impressive was the tattoo spanning from his neck to his tailbone. It went straight down his spinal column and said, "Oderint Dum Metuant." I asked him the translation (I figured if you're gonna get a foreign language tattooed on you, you better know the translation!). He told me it was "Let them hate so long as they fear." He then explained that it was one of Caligula's favorite sayings. It was pretty awesome. Residency completion count down = 15 weeks.

Salute to WV DOT

2007-03-07T19:52:00.000-05:00

I learned today that our Department of Highways is something like 600 snow-plow drivers short. Did I say 600? Why, yes I did. Apparently having a CDL is not a requirement for employment. When I think of the DOT, I really don't think of cars. I picture trucks that likely require a CDL to operate. Just another ineptitude of WV... We got 3 inches of snow today and our little town came to a halt. I drove to work at 7:30 this morning and the roads had never been touched - no plow, no salt, no cinder. However, the construction crew, which is apparently putting my tax dollars to work, made it to the work site with no problem. Construction + 3 inches of snow = commute from Hell. I asked the following question at work today - "Why can't WV do construction at night like other states?" The lab tech , who hails from Virginia, informed me that it was because WV only has one construction truck...and the lights are broken. I told him to kiss my WV ass. :) At least we can agree to hate Virginia Tech...

Coffee & Surprises

2007-02-25T20:45:00.000-05:00

I was reading the newspaper this morning when I stumbled onto an engagement announcement that made me almost spit my coffee out. The guy I used to date in high school is now engaged. In all honesty, I always knew one Sunday I'd read this in the paper. And, I actually also thought it would be a smack in the face. Today, I almost spit my coffee out from snickering - not from shock. My oh my how time changes people. He went from the guy who lifted weights for 3 hours every evening to the guy who apparently has been eating donuts for 3 hours every night. I also couldn't help but notice that his hair is fading away. He's going bald at 25. Holy crap. I asked a fellow high school classmate if he thought my ex's egotisitical attitude faded away with his hair. My classmates reply - "I highly doubt it." Seeing the engagment didn't hurt - it actually made me proud about where I am in life. :)

Here's to the guy who told me I needed to lose weight - the guy who got pissed off when the Alzheimer's patients beat him at Yahtzee - the guy who would pout when I outwitted him - the guy who told me he couldn't see me anymore because I was too emotional over my Nan dying - I guess eventually we all get what is ours. :) I'd say he got his in SPADES. Teehee.

Staff Encounters of the Third Kind

2007-02-19T19:27:00.000-05:00

Sunday was by far the most adventurous day of staffing I have experienced thus far. I would describe myself as very orderly - very neat. Actually, I'm just this side of OCD. My colleague this weekend...I'm surprised he could even find his keyboard under the multitude of paperwork he had stacked up. When I came on shift at 8:00am, he hadn't even given the midnight pharmacist his break. The tech was up to her eyeballs with IVs in the IV room. And my colleague...he was updating compounding binders in the IV room. I agree this is a task that needs to be done....but does it really need to be done when there are 110 IVs to be compounded??? The midnight pharmacist agreed to hold down the input station until I got our tech caught up in the IV room. 45 minutes later, my colleague was still updating binders. The tech was left with 20 or so IVs to compound, so I went out and let the midnight pharmacist go to lunch. The morning progressed pretty much like this - I inputted the inpatient orders, I processed the discharges, I filled the Pyxis in the ICU, I filled the narcotics for the ER...basically I ran my ass off. Meanwhile, my colleague picked his nose and checked his stocks. We had a guy in the ICU using a tubex of fentanyl every hour, so we suggested changing him to a fentanyl drip. Every fentanyl drip I have ever made or seen hanging in the ICU is 500mcg fentanyl in 500mL NS. My illustrious colleague wanted to make it 2500mcg fentanyl in 250mL NS. I highly advised him against this. The nurses up there are accustomed to 1:1 dilutions. If they need 10mcg of fentanyl, they give 10mL of the drip. This was setting him up for a major drug error. I also informed him that each tubex was 100mcg/2mL. I highly doubted the 250mL piggy of NS could hold 50mL more of fluid. He looked at me like I was from outer space. I informed him that I was going to have NOTHING to do with the drip. I didn't want my name on it at all. It took him 1.5 hours to calculate the drip out and compound it. (Yes I said 1.5 hours - meanwhile the freaking ICU was pushing 75mcg of fentanyl every hour and bolusing him with 150mcg of fentanyl!!!) Well - after he got the fentanyl out of our narcotic vault, he decided to set the alarm...and not lock the door. I got an ER call for codeine cough syrup. I went up to outpatient, scanned my badge, and entered the pharmacy. By the time I made it to the vault, there was a piercing beeping sound. This was followed 10 seconds later by a loud beating on the pickup window. I pulled up the blinds to find a federal police officer. By the look on his face, he was really concerned about my safety. He wouldn't believe me that I was ok. I finally let him in the pharmacy. After walking around and ensuring there weren't any veterans hiding in the aisles, he bid me a good day. I called my colleague and thanked him for allowing me the experience to meet our lovely police force. He thought it was funny. I think he's an idiot! HA! When the evening pharmacist came on shift - he asked what my colleague had done all day because by this time, his stack of paper covered his keyboard and his chair. I just rolled my eyes. The evening shift told me to go home - I had earned my keep for one day. HA! Oh yea, did I mention that my colleague has been a pharmacist at the hospital for over 20 years??? Yea...ridiculous!

Everybody's Working for the Weekend

2007-02-17T20:06:00.000-05:00

...ok, it's just me working for the weekend. What can I say, misery loves company. :) Actually today wasn't too bad. I managed to stay busy most of the day. The ice brought lots of injuries to the ER, so I spent most of the afternoon on the phone with the nurses and docs in the ER getting prescriptions. Hopefully tomorrow will fly by as well.

This evening I was flipping through the channels when I landed on CSPAN and found Senator Byrd passionately addressing the Senate. I sat in awe as I watched him shake his hand and raise his voice. When I attended the Jefferson-Jackson dinner this past October, I was very concerned about his health. However, any reservations I had about his ability to fight the good fight were set aside after I watched him today. He spoke passionately. He waved his hands and stomped his feet. He wants our men and women in uniform home as much as I do. He helped condemn the Republican view that "you can't support our troops and not support the war." I really think the men and women who served in Iraq should be voting on whether we send another 20,000 troops to Iraq. This really shouldn't be a Republican/Democrat matter - but more of a humanity matter. It breaks my heart to see our boys come home broken, shattered - shells of human beings. Those that survive are maimed for life - phsycially, psychologically, and emotionally. This war is the tragedy of my life time. America spoke loud and clear in November, and it's high time the government starts listening. We don't want to send 20,000 more troops - we don't want to send ANY more troops. We want our boys home and we want them home now. Thank you Senator Byrd for hearing us - and for always fighting the good fight.

Overwhelmed - Party of 1

2007-02-13T18:33:00.000-05:00

Ok - I am officially feeling a little overwhelmed. So far this year, I've been able to juggle work, personal life, projects, and life in general. Now...I'm dropping things on my head. I'm barely treading water here! Case in point - I initiated the institutional review board paperwork for my project in October (October, as in 4 months ago). Today I received an email informing me that my presence was requested in Gainesville, Florida this Friday because I am doing a research project and I needed some kind of training. Ok - first of all what kind of notification is 2 days - especially when it would require PLANE tickets to get to Gainesville??? So, I forwarded the email to the R&D director at DC. Instead of answering my question, she sent me another email telling me that my presence was requested in DC next Tuesday from 12-1. It will take me more time to drive to DC than I will be spending in DC. WTF? Oh, yea add to this that the co-investigator in my project is in Arizona (and will still be there next Tuesday) AND that we're interviewing a candidate for one of our residency slots on that very day. She happens to be coming from Florida - and that requires plane tickets - which are usually non-refundable. Again, I was given 1 week notice to this freaking "requirement" - and was only notified when I asked if I should be running to the travel office at my VA to get plane tickets to Florida! Honestly! The IRB can kiss my ass at this point. It was my understanding that this interaction was supposed to foster future research on my part - HA! I can tell you it will be a cold day in Hell before I do ANY more research.

On a sad note, my very first Zebra pen - the one I got after my first weekend staffing - died today while I was interviewing a patient. I even took it apart to make sure it was out of ink...and dammit it was. I almost cried. And then I panicked because I haven't wrote with any pen except for a Zebra for 7 months. I came damn close to a panic attack. I located a Government Issue Stanford, which is not nearly as nice as my Zebra, but sufficed.

Let's see here's the list of shit for the rest of the week:
1) Have conversion plan for fentanyl patches in place by tomorrow at 1500
2) Present said plan to primary care Thursday
3) Tweak fentanyl MUE to suggestions from primary care
4) Tour P3 students around my facility and tell them how rewarding residency is
5) Present journal club on varenicline Thursday at lunch
6) Research Factor II deficiency as it relates to colon cancer
7) Compare and contrast University of Washington, Circulation, and CHEST guidelines for warfarin
8) Attend waste-of-my-friggin'-time residency meeting at Snot U on Friday
9) Staff this weekend
10) Figure out what the hell I'm supposed to do next week

Song of the week - "Face Down" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Week from Hell

2007-02-11T16:37:00.000-05:00

I typically rate how bad my day was by what time I walk to my car. It's a bad day if it's post-4:30 when I trudge out in the cold. It's great day if I'm in the car with the heat blasting at 4:30. This past week, I didn't walk to my car prior to 5:00 one freaking day. What a kick in the pants. Honestly, working in the clinic has been more hectic than working in the ICU. I started in the anti-coagulation clinic this past Monday. It's very busy. And I really don't think it's the patients - it's the multitude of questions I get on an hourly basis. Add to that my other responsibilities as a resident - and I'm spread a little thin right now. Needless to say, I've restarted my rantidine therapy. I used to take omeprazole, but found that to be a little pricey, so I've initiated ranitidine therapy which is significantly cheaper and just as effective. My love life is still a little in shambles. Fireman is still there on the edges of my life - calling me at 12:30AM, sending me text messages, asking me to give him a second chance. Then there's Rx. He's got me intrigued...and he's got an undetermined status. WTF? I guess he didn't say "NO!" I'm trying to remain positive and not run from that situation. Patience and time is what I need - neither of which am I good at. I guess I don't have much choice here...just sit and wait.

On the positive side - I'm so excited to say that I now weigh less than I did my junior and senior years in high school. **Dancing around** My BMI is 20.9, and my weight is 122. I'm very proud of myself. :) I bought a new suit yesterday. I'm presenting my research project in Baltimore in May. My current suit falls off my hips. I slipped into a size that I haven't worn since I was a freshman in high school. Woohoo!!!! :)

Dr. Ahsirt - ICU Attending

2007-02-03T15:00:00.000-05:00

Yesterday marked the final day of my ICU rotation. I entered the ICU to find that we were doctorless. Apparently the new attending required a mental health day following the week from hell, and all of the other physicians were scheduled off. After deciding that the ICU would not run on auto-pilot, they decided to contact the Chief of Medicine...who also had taken a vacation day. It was at this point that they all recognized my presence in the ICU. They took a vote and I was unanimously nominated to be the ICU attending yesterday. I had their full vote of confidence. One of them even said that I would probably do a better job than those trained to be there. HA! I informed that while I could round on the patients, I would not be able to write orders. At this point the administrative assistant looked up and told me that if I would write the orders, she would find someone to sign them. I hung out with the nurses most of the morning. They eventually got an attending around lunch time. I was in the process of planning on how to extubate the Green Beret when the pulmonologist showed up. I didn't want to step on anyone's toes, so I relinquished the extubation to him. *snicker* I returned to the dungeon in the basement after being bid farewell by everyone in ICU. Apparently, my presence will be greatly missed.

The tear jearker moment of the day happened at 2:45pm. Dr. M, the pulmonologist, paged me. I returned his call and he asked me to come to the ICU. When I got there, he stood and expressed his most heart felt condolences to the entire pharmacy team for our loss. He wanted me to know that he was with Marilyn the entire time, and that they did every thing in their power to save her. It got me a little choked up. He then told me that he was very sorry that he would not be able to work with me as I furthered my career in pharmacy. He told me that I was going to do great things. That also got me a little choked up. The nurses thanked me for all of my help. Then Dr. Mallea asked me for help using a dosing nomogram for one of his patients. The nurses informed me that they would not hang the drug until I gave it my blessing. It was very rewarding. I'm going to miss it immensely.

Black Day at the VA

2007-02-01T21:23:00.000-05:00

Today was a very sad day at the VA. Marilyn, one of our inpatient technicians, passed away today. While preparing for a retirement party for another technician, she collapsed in our inpatient pharmacy. The fire department on station was called and they transported her to the ER. I was told they worked on her for 20 minutes before pronouncing her. When I got the pharmacy, our director was returning from the ER with her badge and personal effects. It was quite an emotional time.

The Long, Hard Fight

2007-01-31T20:05:00.000-05:00

My patient passed away at 2:15 this morning. Yes - that's right, 11 hours after life support was turned off. It just makes me wonder. It seems as though he fought it to the very end. My only wish for him is that he didn't suffer. We tried to keep him comfortable with morphine and lorazepam. How comfortable could he honestly have been? I don't know. Everyone was subdued in the ICU this morning. I walked in at 8:00 and the janitor was scrubing the room. The nurses who had come on shift were just standing and staring at him. It was eeriely quiet. I took a moment to reflect on him and hope that he really was in a better place. His granddaughter's hand drawn pictures were still hanging on the wall in the room. They wished him a speedy recovery and told him how much she loved him. I got a little emotional thinking about it.

The highlight of my day occurred at 9:45 this morning. I was returning to my office from the inpatient pharmacy, when a crippled African American man asked me to hold the elevator for him. When he got in the elevator, he asked me where 1A-171 was located. I told him I wasn't sure, but that I'd help him find it. I escorted him around the first floor until we found his location. When I departed him, he thanked me repeatedly and said, "God bless you." He made my day. :)

Emotional Week Thus Far

2007-01-30T21:53:00.000-05:00

Today at 3:16PM we removed the ventilator from my patient in the ICU. I've been with him since he was admitted on 1/5/07. I sat in my office and blinked back tears. My only hope for him is that he can finally have some peace. I went in to see him this morning. He looked so ill - his eyes were glazed and rolled back in his head. His skin was puffy and yellowed. He looked so miserable. Whenever someone touched him, his oxygen saturations would drop in the 70s and his heart rate would jump up to the 140s. It was as if he was saying, "Please leave me alone." At 6:00 this evening, he was still alive - breathing on his own, but his oxygen sat was 61%.

I went out this evening with several of the pharmacy team members. We christened the new BW3s as an official VA hangout. The B shift pharmacist came in at 7:00 and updated us all on my patient's status. A fellow pharmacist's son kept hitting on me throughout dinner - problem here would be that he is 16. HA! Other highlights of the evening - waiter forgetting to place my order and waiter losing my credit card. At the end of the day, the beer was good and the wings were great. It was a much needed unwinding after a very emotional day.

Not An EMT...

2007-01-23T23:55:00.000-05:00

Today was rather eventful - and very, very busy. This morning I learned a very valuable lesson - I am not EMT caliber. While in the ICU this morning, one of my patients went into respiratory distress. He's on a ventilator and his oxygen sats dropped to 75%. The physicians and I entered the patients room. I was horrified. The man has a trach in place, so the ventilator hooks to that instead of the endotracheal tube. He's been off sedation for roughly 2 days so, his eyes were open. His head was moving side to side rapidly, which indicated extreme distress to me. His eyes were wide open with a pleading look. His respiratory rate was 35-40, with no improvement in his sats. I found my heart beating extremely fast and I started to hyperventilate a little. The physician increased the man's ventilator support and gave him some nebs. Over a course of about 5 minutes (which seemed like an eternity to me), his sats came up to mid-90s and his respiratory rate dropped to the low 20s. At this point, I glanced around the room and found the pictures his granddaughter drew him. I became a little emotional. I felt tears welling in my eyes. I backed up against the wall and tried to compose myself. I slowed my breathing and blinked back the tears. It was a little overwhelming. I don't think I am EMT material...being as they'd probably have to transport me via ambulance from the scene. I'm sure that would go over well. HA!

On a more positive note, I did ace my BCLS recertification today. It took me all of 5 minutes to take the written test - which I scored a 100% on. :) Fortunately for me, there wasn't a "must keep composure" section to the test. Otherwise I would've flat out flunked it.

Ahsirt - Director of Pharmacy Services

2007-01-20T19:14:00.000-05:00

So, Mr. Tramadol came looking for me at the outpatient pharmacy. He was looking for Ahsirt, Director of Pharmacy Services. *snicker* You gotta love this guy. I'm just a lowly resident and he thinks I'm the director of pharmacy. I guess it's not entirely his fault - if someone denied me medicine, I'd think they were pretty powerful. Alas, I'm just a lowly resident who gets to recommend denial. I suppose to idiot doctor forgot that important word.

Today I staffed the outpatient pharmacy. I actually have grown to like staffing on the weekends. There's something almost relaxing about running the pharmacy. Today flew by - between answering the 15 non-formularies pending from yesterday (was everyone on vacation yesterday, or what?), completing all the pending mailers for 2 of our clinics, and checking at least 100 prescriptions to be mailed, I didn't have much time to think about anything else. I guess I've even found staffing to be therapeutic for my mind which tends to want to dwell on the past...

My insatiable desire to be part of the critical care arena has led me to consider becoming an EMT. I'd love to be a critical care pharmacist; however another year of residency just does NOT interest me. I figure I might be able to feed this desire by becoming an EMT. This will be the third time I've considered making this move - but the first time that I actually looked up when the classes are offered. It appears as though I just missed one. Go figure. Next step is to stop at the volunteer fire department I'm thinking of joining. A little birdy told me if I join, they'll pay for my class. Very nice. This should also help feed my desire to be near firemen. HA! Kill 2 birds with one stone. ;)

Absurd moment of the day: Old Veteran - "I used to have my blood monitored at that clinic with Diane." Me - "She was a really nice lady." Old Veteran - "Yea she was, but you know what? She finally got my blood stable and then she went and died." Me - "..." Old Veteran - "I really don't know why she had to do that to me." Me - "I really don't think she died on purpose. She was very ill." Old Veteran - "Well my blood just hasn't been right since. Don't know why she had to go and die.."

My Week Thus Far

2007-01-17T18:31:00.000-05:00

I'm sure glad my funk has gone, because this week + my funk could've been lethal. HA! Here's the low down...

Monday ~ Fireman called again. We rehashed our entire relationship. It felt good to finally get some of the stuff out into the open. This was culminated by a telephone call at 12:30 from a friend that I haven't been entirely close with for a couple years. I'm just emotionally rung out over him and the whole situation. After all of this, I felt slightly numb...but I didn't hurt. I think I really have pulled out of the funk. I went to bed at 2:00am and got up at 5:45am.

Tuesday ~ Day from hell in the ICU. Completed no less than 20 non-formulary requests... I pulled the door shut to my office at 4:45 and realized that I left the keys to get into the office lying on my desk.

Wednesday ~ HA! The diamond of the week. After roudns in the ICU this morning, I was greeted with several messages from a patient. He apparently was given my name and telephone number by one of the idiot docs. I answered his non-formulary consult for excessive tramadol yesterday - I recommended denial. The chief of mental health agreed with my assessment and denied the request. This apparently made the patient not so happy. He wanted to know why I wouldn't let him have his pills. The last thing I needed today was a guy with a substance abuse problem yelling at me about his lack of opioid receptor activation! So, I passed it on to my supervisor, who passed it on to the chief of mental health. Taken care of. Then I had P&T this evening which was made oh so very special by a especially lovely nurse. I just wanted to get up and point at her badge and say, "See, that says R.N. - as in registered nurse; not medical doctor." But I played nicely..and bitched afterwards. Now I think I'm gonna have a beer and put this day to rest!

**Song of the Week: Teddybears - Punkrocker**

Forecast 2007 - Better

2007-01-08T20:08:00.000-05:00

Ok - so Roma informed me that not only were my wishes weak, and self-serving, they also lacked creativity. He's harsh these days. So, I turned up some music, and really sat down and thought about what would make 2007 better. Hope this is up to snuff Roma...

1. Exit strategy from Iraq. Sorry, but this still stays #1. The answer is NOT more troops or more money - the answer is to get the hell out now.

2. Peace in Darfur.

3. Lift on stem cell research ban.

4. Access to health care for women with out JUDGMENT. Case in point - I called my pharmacy to find out if they could order Giardasil for me (the HPV vaccine). CF, the religious zealot pharmacist, asked me if I was promiscuous. I proceeded to educate him on the importance of all WOMEN and young girls to be vaccinated againt the virus that can cause cervical cancer. WTF?

5. Plan B OTC access to be granted to those under 18. I mean, honestly, I'd rather the 15yo get the pills than a 25yo. Who thinks up these rules?

6. Pharmacists to leave their religious convictions at the door. Behind the counter is not a place to preach. Contrary to popular belief, the counseling booth is NOT an altar. Get over it or get out of the profession - PERIOD.

7. Democrats to grow a backbone. For God's sake, we got Congress, now let's do something with it! For example - get out of Iraq; ban drilling in Alaska; block conservative judges; put ethics back in politics; etc, etc etc.

8. Abolishment of the PATRIOT Act. There is nothing patriotic about suspending civil liberties.

9. Trash "No Child Left Behind." Kids are getting dumber - now instead of teaching subjects, we're teaching tests. Why? Because now teachers are judged based on standardized test scores.

10. Increase benefits to our veterans. We're sending them to a war that is sending them back broken physically, emotionally, and mentally. To add insult to injury, we keep cutting veteran benefits. It's time to take care of these guys.

Wishes for 2007

2007-01-06T13:36:00.000-05:00

Roma suggested that I stop focusing on the past and start planning for the future (or something like that - I think I added a few words to what he said, but you have to admit I put it more eloquently). This past week was a step in the right direction. I'm starting to pull out of my funk and starting to realize that I am satisfied. I started in the ICU this week...and it was awesome to say the least. I didn't run any codes, and I didn't have any life threatening cases - but it was exciting nonetheless. In between medication reconciliation and drug presentations, I started to think about what I want from 2007. Some of these wishes are altruistic, and some are just plain selfish - but they're my wishes so I'm ok with that. :)

1. An Exit Strategy
~This definitely leads the list this year. I think working with JW has made me want this even more. I see a shattered 22yo guy who will never be the same - all for a political war. I see lots of these guys on a daily basis. It's time to get out - period.

2. Employment
~The first of many selfish wishes. My residency ends in June 2007, and now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm starting to get a little jittery about my future. Should I stay at the VA? Can I stay at the VA? Where else can I go? My wish is that it all just falls together and I reap the rewards. :)

3. Happiness
~The most childish wish on the list. After a tumultuous 2 months, I'm ready for some happiness. I'm starting to get there. I think this past week opened some big doors. I don't gain happiness from material things - which makes me different from a lot of people. Don't get me wrong, money is nice - but personal interactions are more enriching. So I guess I'm hoping 2007 is full of more smiles than frowns - and more people who give in return rather than take and take and take.

4. Concerts
~HA! 2006 was filled with only 1 concert - which is extremely weak for me. My dream list for this year includes Buckcherry (always #1), AFI, Green Day, U2, My Chemical Romance, Poison, Cinderella, and anyone else who can make me scream. :)

Goodbye 2006 - Hello 2007

2007-01-01T18:13:00.000-05:00

2007 rang in this morning with the usual fireworks and hoopla. As with most things, today felt no different than yesterday. I'm not into the whole "resolution" thing, so I figured instead of planning for the future, I'd reflect on the past today. Below is my list of the top 10 things in my life for 2006.

10. Poison-Cinderella 20th Anniversary Tour
~Concerts are always the highlight of my life. I try to see these guys every time they come around. I've been a fan since I was just a youngin'. Also, it's the one thing that my brother, sister, and I can all do together. We all have different interests and different priorities, but we put them aside when it comes to Poison. HA!

9. Lyme Disease
~I never thought I'd find myself wishing I had Lyme Disease; however when faced with being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, Lupus, or Lyme disease - Lyme was definitely the pick of the litter. After 28 days of doxycycline, I was "cured" and have been pretty healthy since. All in all, Lyme disease gave me an appreciation for those that are crippled.

8. WVU vs. Marshall
~I was only able to attend one WVU game this season, and I'm glad it was this one. It was the season opener. And even though we didn't become national champs, the thoughts were in the air at this game. It was exciting and energizing.

7. Church
~2006 truly was the year that reaffirmed my faith. It started during Lent season with my neighbor. She held a women's Bible study once a week to discuss important women in the Bible. It was awesome. The feminist in me loved it. My faith truly blossomed, however, when I finally listened to Roma (and Axis) and went to SPC. It's a church filled with love and tolerance and understanding - all the things I value as much as life itself.

6. Democrats Retake Congress
~I looked back on my wishes for 2006 and I believe this headed the list. I guess some wishes really do come true. It was an honor to click the box beside Senator Robert C. Byrd's name (not the WV had any contested Senate seats). It was exciting to watch the news on election night and watch the Dems retake the country state by state.

5. Acceptance to the VA Residency
~It was pretty much VA or bust for my residency choices. I left it up to God and fate. If the VA didn't pick me, I was going to be a retail pharmacist. The day the matches were announced, I was in tears with joy. I'm half way through and I must say, I love the VA. I love working with the vets - it's the joy of my life. Whenever I'm having a bad day or feeling down, all I need to do is walk down the main hallway. I'm greeted by no less than 5 veterans - all of which wish me a good morning. Occassionally, I even get a "you're beautiful." The best is when they say thank you - it melts my heart.

4. Meeting JW
~JW is a 22yo Iraq veteran. I have posted about him several times on here. He truly touched my life when he landed in my counseling booth at the VA. It was the most humbling experience of my life.

3. Meeting Senator Byrd
~If I hadn't ended my academic career this year, this most definitely would've been number 1. It was truly the honor of my life to shake Senator Byrd's hand. He personally autographed his autobiography and addressed it to me. It was awesome.

2. Passing the Pharmacy Boards
~This was definitely a close second. Becoming a licensed pharmacist was the last milestone in my education career. It truly closed the one chapter in my book and opened another.

1. Graduation
~It truly was the highlight of the year to accept my Doctor of Pharmacy degree. To quote the Indigo Girls, "I spent 4 years prostrate to the higher mind, got my paper and I was free." Ok...so it was actually six - and it felt like 12.

Merry Christmas

2006-12-25T11:30:00.000-05:00

And so this is Christmas... As I sat surrounded by my family yesterday evening, I couldn't help but think how fortunate I am. We ate, drank, and were merry all evening long. I thought about several of my Vets at the hospital I work and wondered what they were doing for Christmas. Many of them live at the hospital, so I imagined they were gathered around a table in the Dom cafeteria eating, drinking (minus the alcohol), and being merry together. I thought about the soldiers still in Iraq and what their holiday was like. I'm sure it was just another day at war. Unfortunately road side bombs and bullets don't stop to celebrate the birth of Christ. Yesterday morning, Axis and I started off the holiday celebrating by going to church. When I took my seat, I looked up at the altar and was amazed. There, centered above the alter, were two angels with their hands outstretched and three circles between them - one for Islam, one for Judaism, and one for Christianity. It was at that moment that I knew I was in the right place. It was a great way to start off the season - LOVE. (Thanks Roma for never relenting in asking me to attend your church. It truly is amazing!) Being as our boys (and girls) are still in Iraq, I thought the following Christmas song was an appropriate post for today. Merry Christmas!!!

Happy Christmas (War is Over)

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong
And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let's stop all the fight

A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas
And what have we done
Another year over
A new one just begun
And so happy Christmas
We hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
War is over, if you want it
War is over now

Happy Christmas
~John Lennon & Yoko Ono

Now Playing on My iPod

2006-12-20T18:37:00.000-05:00

1. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dani California
2. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Snow (Hey Oh)
3. Hurt - Falls Apart
4. Three Days Grace - Pain
5. Three Days Grace - Animal I Have Become
6. Cold - Stupid Girl
7. Goo Goo Dolls - Better Days
8. Goo Goo Dolls - Strange Love
9. The Cure - Lullaby
10. The Cure - Just Like Heaven
11. The Cure - Lovesong

Fun Facts About the Songs:
1. The ring tone on my new cell phone
2. The song I sang aloud when I worked alone 2 weekends ago
3. The story of my freaking life (it's my theme song right now)
4. Pain reminds us that we're alive
5. The bass line in this song rocks
6. HA! Need I really discuss the relevance of this song? Cold is the only band that I like that wears masks...
7. Hoping for better days in 2007
8. I like the beat, synthesizer, etc - just generally like the song
9-11. It's The Cure, I need not say anything else

Lakshmi and Her Wealth

2006-12-19T22:05:00.000-05:00

Axis's friend returned from a 2 year stent in India and brought me a gift - a wooden carving of Lakshmi. Lakshmi is the goddess of wealth, light, wisdom, fortune, luck, beauty, and fertility. All of which are currently somewhat absent from my life and dearly missed - with the major exception of fertility! Axis informed me that if Lakshmi sprinkled any fertility dust at his house that I would be raising the infant. I'm just hoping she isn't sprinkling fertility dust at my house! I have her on a shelf with Buddha. I'm hoping the two of them can get together and sprinkle a calm over my life - even if only temporarily.

Just A Little Too Late...

2006-12-16T15:12:00.000-05:00

The past week has been less stressful than previous ones. For one, a huge source of my stress has been relieved of his position. I re-iterated to the fireman that I could not longer see him. I'm pretty much sick of dealing with the ex, her family, her child, his infedility, etc, etc. This was followed by multiple phone calls and text messages each day. I've been told that I'm awesome, the best thing to ever happen to him, etc. At this point, it's just a little too late. Perhaps he should've kicked the ex's parents to the curb 2 weeks ago...or perhaps he should've made the ex take her shit 7 freaking months ago when she moved out? It feels inspiring to be the strong, independent woman that I always knew I was.

Last night I rewarded myself by attending Axis's annual Office Christmas Party. A friend that I used to work at the quarry with was there. It was great to sit and talk with him. He is a huge Democratic supporter, which always lends to our conversations. He acutally was in Charleston, WV for the Senator Byrd celebration party on Election Day. We ended up going out for a couple beers at a local bar after the party. We had a really nice time. When he dropped me off, although he didn't walk me to the door, he did tell me it was nice to see me again and told me to thank my brother again for an excellent party. So, who knows? At least it was nice to talk to someone with similar values and views. :)

Yearning for Peace

2006-12-10T19:24:00.000-05:00

So the problems that I thought I could leave in Cali...yea they found their way back to WV. I guess the old addage "you can't run from your problems" is true. They find you, no matter where you are. On top of my personal issues, I am also facing a stressful day at work, my grandfather is in the hospital, my cat ran away, and the fighting with my mother continues. As for my personal issues, I don't know what the hell I want. One minute I want to pick up the phone and tell him to come get me...the next minute I start thinking about the shit I've dealt with for the past 2 weeks. I'm tired...emotionally, physically, and psychologically. Prior to our big blow out the day before I left for Cali, I was trying to determine how I felt about him. I've been fighting my Mom constantly about him. I guess I was wondering if he was worth all the Hell...and I really thought he was. Then all this shit happened last week and now I don't think he is. I'm afraid if we're having these problems at 4 weeks, we'll have these problems the rest of the relationship, no matter its duration. I tried to explain this to him...he doesn't agree. He thinks I'm over-reacting. I don't know if I can trust him...I've heard so much shit. He promises its not true. He keeps telling me I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him. I can't handle it. I just want to get in the car and drive far, far away. But I know, no matter where I ended up, my problems would find me again. Hell, I went 3000 miles away and they still found me (and I was only gone 4 days!). Dammit, I just want some damn happiness. Is that too much to ask? Apparently it is...

Tomorrow I have to deal with some unpleasantness at work. Consequently, I'm ready to walk away from that too. Honestly, I can't handle work, home, and my love life. I'm sure the "chaperone" is going to run to the boss and tell how I ditched her ass in Cali. Then I have to tell my boss that I refuse to have her as a preceptor. Inherently I hate conflict. I've been dealing with conflict for 4 goddamn weeks. I'm sick of it. Tomorrow could be bad...it just depeneds on how freaking fed up I am by the time I see my boss. Hopefully I will still be employed after tomorrow...

A Salute to California

2006-12-09T19:33:00.000-05:00

A more appropriate name for this post would be, "A Salute to American Airlines." Because, American Airlines gave me the scenic tour of the US this past week. I was in 4 airports last Sunday and 3 on Thursday. My original flight out of IAD was delayed - causing me to miss my connection in Chicago. The next direct flight to Anaheim was overbooked...so American Airlines offered me a chance to go back to my all time favorite Californian city of San Francisco. :) I did purchase a lovely coffee mug at SFO to remember the trip. HA! The weather in Cali was perfect - which makes it really hard to tolerate the 22 degrees I woke up to this morning. My hotel rocked. I've never had such nice service. I miss the "lack of responsibility" I had out there. I tried to leave some baggage out west...but I think it followed me home. I'll deal with it in due time. So to keep this short, here's the highlights of the trip:

1. Being in DC, Chicago, San Francisco, and Anaheim all in one day
2. Seeing Dana Carvey in person - I'll never be able to say California correctly again!
3. Medieval Times - Bidding farewell to the Red & Yellow knight was awfully difficult
4. Walking - Grafs and I walked 30 minutes to and from the convention center each day. Plus, I even walked to Disney Land from the hotel. It was awesome to be out in the nice weather.
5. The Saloon - Our hotel had a knock-off saloon for a bar. I dreamed I was busting through the saloon doors with Doc Holliday. :)

The airplane ride home wasn't much smoother than the trip out. Our connection in Dallas was delayed ~ 45 minutes because someone overflowed the toilet in the first class section. Our pilot rocked though...he told the first class passengers that they could piss in the Coach section. HA! We landed in DC about 20 minutes late...but at least I made it home in one piece. Here's to Vegas in 2007!!!

To Cali...and Hopefully Back Again

2006-12-02T20:37:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I leave for sunny CA. Grafs and I are recruiting future residents for our program. (What big shoes they have to fill!) Over the past two weeks, Grafs and I have boasted about the wild and crazy times we're going to have in Cali. Last week Grafs asked if the government credit card could be used for bail money, and I asked if I could use it to purchase a tattoo. The tattoo would of course be to advertise the residency. I mean, who could say no to "One VA" tattooed across a past resident's ass? In all honesty, the trip will probably be rather calm - some evenings of drinking and partying. Nonetheless, Grafs and I have the entire VA on edge. We've been sat down by the director of travel AND by our own residency director and explained the proper use of the government credit card. I think everyone's a bit nervous. Personally, I'm looking forward to a few days away. It's been a stressful 4 weeks - and I'm ready for a break. When I get back, I plan to start anew. I'm hoping this trip is stress relieving and eye opening. To boot, I hope Grafs and I have at least narrowed the field of potential candidates to fill our positions. In addition, I hope to drop some baggage along the way. :) Viva Anaheim!

Thoughts on Constant Reassurance

2006-11-29T20:05:00.000-05:00

The past couple weeks have been a bit of a blur. This was most evident yesterday when I was broadening the minds of P3 students at XU in my ICARE lab. WR, the presenting student, made it through her "assessment" of the patient before I barreled in and started talking about appropriate treatments. The blank stares on my pupils' faces caught my immediate attention. That's when I realized that I had no freaking idea what WR had said in the assessment. My mind was somewhere between Anaheim, CA and Mathias, WV. I also proceeded to nearly run a red light and later almost drive my car into the side of the car wash. Needless to say, yesterday was not one of my finer days. This was all preceeded by a night of self doubt and self loathing. Note to self - try not to self doubt and drive at the same time! I have an extreme intolerance for the "unknown." I like to know where I stand at all times. When I'm not 100% sure, I start the self-doubting bit. Needing constant reassurance definitely isn't attractive. Hiding it - that's getting harder. I just need to slow down and breath deeply. And perhaps get a bit more reassurance...

Sick & Tired

2006-11-19T20:51:00.000-05:00

Here's a list of shit that I'm sick & tired of (and may explain my prolonged absence from the blogsphere):

1. XU - which believes it can dictate my job to me, even though it doesn't pay my salary
2. California - wishing that ASHP had their mid-year meeting up their ass
3. XU - which believes I should stress out in Cali instead of relax
4. My mother - who is constantly fighting me about the guy I'm dating (who she has met TWICE) and the fire department he runs for (wtf?!)
5. XU - which is making me come to a stupid career fair
6. Lack of heat - I just damn sick of being cold
7. XU - for making me list them on here 4 fucking times
8. Lack of peace - I just want some damn peace in my life
9. Fighting - I'm losing my will to fight, and starting to run
10. My residency - is it fucking June yet???

At Least Kid Rock Will Miss Me

2006-10-29T20:33:00.000-05:00

Thanks Grafs for link for the obituary. :)

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

A Turn in the Tides

2006-10-16T19:07:00.000-04:00

Today marked the beginning of my long-term care rotation. Yea, not that exciting. Mainly, it's just freaking cold. I froze my ass off down there today. I miss my office, I miss the sunshine, and I miss blaring my music. I think if the long-term care pharmacist heard Buckcherry, it would probably cause him to have a coronary. I'm sure it'll be fine in the end...if they get some freaking heat. Today I had to educate the nurses and physician in one of the units that metoprolol cannot be given IV push in the nursing home. Why not? Because it requires MONITORING - a concept quite abstract to the LTC arena. For example, take one of the guys I reviewed today. His potassium was 5.5 in January...and that was his last potassium. How can you stop monitoring someone when they are hyperkalemic? Sounds like a liability to me. So, monitoring isn't something that really seems important in this arena. Alas, I can handle that - just get me a heating blanket.

Now Appearing in My Yard...

2006-10-10T20:00:00.000-04:00

...an official Robert C. Byrd for Senate sign.

Experiment of Faith

2006-10-08T14:46:00.000-04:00

This past Thursday my niece turned 8. Axis and his wife decided to have a little family get together for her birthday. After my niece opened her presents, Axis asked me to attend church with him on Sunday. Immediately preceding the service was a discussion on Evolution & Religion. I agreed to attend. I will pre-empt the rest of this discussion by saying that my experiences with church, Methodist specifically, have never been overwhelming. As a child, I remember counting the ceiling tiles in the church ceiling. These tiles, which for some reason resembled railroad tracks to me, were an escape from the monotonous voice coming from the pulpit. I remember being at the baptism of Axis's son and thinking, "wow these tiles look like the tiles from my childhood church"; however, I can't remember anything else from the service.

Today, Axis picked me up and we headed to church. The discussion was awesome. Everyone in the group had a background in science (including a physics professor from the local university). It was like a breath of fresh air to be surrounded by people that echoed my beliefs, rather than confront my beliefs. Best of all, the discussion was just the beginning. The service was amazing. I was so touched by the openness of the church. We focused not only on members of the church, but those of other religions and regions of the world. We blessed the citizens of Mongolia, Afghanistan, and Uzbekistan. We were invited to join our Muslim brothers and sisters as they broke the fast of Ramadan on October 19. Since 9/11, this church and Muslim community have been working together for peace. I think it's amazing. The youth group of the church spent last weekend with local migrant workers. The amount of love and tolerance being taught at this church was breath taking. After the service, the Reverend remembered my name and wished me back another Sunday. I will definitely return.

I think my experiment in faith worked...and I'm finally happy to find a place that fills me with joy rather than a desire to count the ceiling tiles. Come to think of it, I don't even know what the ceiling looks like in this church. :)

Typical Friday - Atypical Lunch

2006-10-06T21:03:00.000-04:00

Today was a rainy, dreary day. I spent the morning in the ICU, in which every patients was deteriorating. My Stevens-Johnson patient was tachycardic, had a temp of 102, and had a WBC count of 15,000. Chances are she is becoming septic - not a good thing. My Clostridium difficile patients was taken back to the OR last night for removal of all of his colon except for about 6 inches of sigmoid colon and his rectum. He is now so swollen that his abdomen couldn't be sewn shut. He looks very grave indeed. Did I mention that his WBC count was 69,500 today? Then there was the 92 year old man with blood in his urine. The catheter bag was red, not yellow. And then there was the 62 year old man with 5 second pauses between his heart beats. A heart rate of 30 is never good, and when it takes 5 seconds for your heart to beat again...things are set up for disaster. My liver failure patient passed away this morning. So, it was a very busy and interesting morning.

I decided to take lunch at 12:15. When I stepped off the elevator, I literally ran into my liver failure patient's body. He was so jaundiced that I could see the yellow outline of his body under the sheet. I followed it down the hall and around the corner to the pharmacy. I was beginning to wonder where they were taking his body. As I scanned my badge to enter the pharmacy, I saw them load the body into a service elevator. The pharmacy staff informed me that the morgue is on the second floor. Needless to say, lunch wasn't very appetizing. It wasn't that I had seen the body, but rather the realization that the guy died. I knew he was going to die, but I guess it didn't really "set-in" until I saw his body. It was a great lunch.

This of course is not the first time that I've encountered a dead body in a hospital. During the first day of my first clinical rotation as a pharmacy student, I ran into a dead body on my way to lunch. Of course at that hospital, the morgue was directly across from the cafeteria. Earlier in my residency, I encountered the funeral home wheeling a body out of the hospital. Apparently I'm a bit of magnet for dead bodies. Great...

Intensive Care Notes

2006-10-05T21:16:00.000-04:00

This week I have been spending every waking moment in the ICU at my VA. It's probably an understatement to say that I love intensive care. I enjoy working on complex cases and assisting the physician with medication-related issues. Today, I helped formulate a TPN for a critically ill patient. We worked together figuring out how much protein, carbohydrates, and lipids should be fed to her through the central line. So far in the ICU this week, I've seen Stevens-Johnson Syndrome, cocaine-induced vasospasms, chronic liver failure that progressed to multiple organ failure, and Clostridium difficile pseudomembranous colitis which resulted in removal of part of the guy's bowel. I also responded to a code...only the code wasn't really a code. One of the nurses got trigger happy and called the code pager for a syncopal episode. At the time we didn't know that, so the physician and I went running to radiology. I was quite nervous, but ready to help all the same. I'm glad the poor guy wasn't dead. It would've been my first code experience. I'm not sure how I will handle that when it occurs. I get emotional very easily. I like to hope in that situation I could seperate the emotional from the mechanical and just be able to run through the steps. The nurses in ICU are amazing. They like pharmacy, and enjoy our participation in the hectic world of the ICU. Today I assisted the nurse with dressing changes on the Stevens-Johnson patient. I will never forget what that looks like, and will never under-estimate the seriousness of the situation. To put it simply, this patient's skin is sloughing off. Large fluid filled blisters cover her body, and when they pop, her skin peels off. It was difficult for me to see the patient in such serious pain and in such grave condition. Tomorrow brings another day in the ICU, and I'm sure some more neat cases. I'm really looking forward to it.

On Lucid Dreaming, Etc

2006-09-27T19:24:00.000-04:00

My recurrent dream returned last night. This time it was different...I was able to stop the dream. Everything was plugging along as before, when suddenly I told myself, "No...you really don't want this," - and at this point I woke up. I didn't wake up feeling like crap. I woke up feeling relieved that it was over, but extremely tired. It felt like I'd battled it all night. But, for the first time, the rest of my day wasn't affected. Perhaps I have reached a turning point in regards to the individual at the center of the dream? I think I may have...

On a more interesting note, my neighbors from Hell have been strangely quiet lately. I found out today that the 18yo hellion has moved in with his baby's mother. Sayonara! I think I may go dance in the street...

Look Ma - No Hands!!!

2006-09-24T22:37:00.000-04:00

Saturday was my first day as pharmacist in charge in the outpatient pharmacy. I have to admit, it was pretty exciting. It started off a little rough. I unlocked and disarmed the pharmacy just fine. Then there was the vault...it's that bank vault thing that all of the controlled substances are in. I spun the dial and spun the dial and couldn't get it to open. I had to call the pharmacy out of the inpatient pharmacy to unlock it. Thankfully he was able to get it because I dispensed a lot of narcs yesterday. The rest of the day was relatively uneventful. We were a little busy for a Saturday. The tech ran mailers while I worked the window. Every once in a while I'd check her mailers and she'd package them up. Today I worked in the inpatient pharmacy with CZ. We had a pretty good day. It wasn't too busy - but it was steady enough to make the day fly by. I even had one of the ER physicians tell me that I was a ray of sunshine. Apparently the ER was pretty hectic today and full of nasty people. It's always nice to be appreciated. I suppose this was my last real "milestone" to feeling like a real pharmacist. I couldn't help thinking when I was carrying TPN to the med/surg floor that I was running the pharmacy...and enjoying it...and pretty damn good at it. :)

On Recurring Dreams

2006-09-16T15:08:00.000-04:00

I have been having a dream recurrently since last summer. The scenery changes, but the central theme is always the same. The script and the characters are always the same. I thought this dream was finally over after I graduated from pharmacy school; however I had it again the past Thursday night - after a four month absence. I haven't seen the main subject in the dream since May 13, and I don't believe we've spoken to each other in over a month. I've often thought that dreams are the windows to your heart's truest desires. This dream has made me question that repeatedly. At the end of the day, even if my heart did desire it, I know it will never occur. I've tried to act on it before and always end up walking away from the experience with my heart in my hand. Needless to say, I usually feel like crap the day following the dream. I've thought about sharing it with the person in the dream, but better judgment has always kicked in. Perhaps one day I'll finally tell him how I feel...or by that time, perhaps it will be how I felt. In the meantime, I'm stuck with this dream that makes me incredibly happy while I'm sleeping...and incredibly foul when I'm awake.

Black Sheep Resident

2006-09-15T21:28:00.000-04:00

Today was another wonderful monthly, required resident meeting at XU. It was blatantly obvious from the moment I walked in the conference room that my residency program was somewhat of the black sheep. First of all, my residency director did not feel it necessary to attend the "mandatory meeting for all residents and residency directors." Needless to say, all other residency directors arrived. I was left pulling an explanation out of my ass. I remember saying words like "busy", "pharmacy director & residency director", and even "leadership". This did not settle well with the big khuana of the residency programs. It even prompted him to proclaim that he would be driving to our facility to chat with our director. Can I sell tickets to this interaction? Perhaps I'll just pop a bag of popcorn and sit in the hall and watch. The meeting progressed pretty well from this point forward. We polished our teaching philosophies and worked on learning objectives for lectures. After the meeting concluded, the residents wanted to set a time for the "disease state and journal club" discussions. Grafs and I decided to hightail out of there before being rope-a-doped into that. We've successfully dodged that bullett for now. We commented as we were running out the door that we are the renegade residents of the XU residency programs. Very well with me. I've already taken the liberty to explain to a former resident that my residency is totally different than hers AND that I will not be spending 6 days at the Mid-Year meeting regardless of how many she wishes to spend there. As my Nan would say..."Hussy!" :)

In Loving Memory

2006-09-03T22:40:00.000-04:00

~Donna Lee Wetzel~
~August 16, 1916 - September 3, 2000~

Resident Headbanger

2006-09-03T22:28:00.000-04:00

Due to my choice in music, I have been deemed the Resident Headbanger by my fellow pharmacists at the VA. When I was in the IV room, I would come into work early to set on the desks and discuss music with the midnight pharmacist and my fellow IV pharmacist. We each listed our top 5 rock musicians, and were suprisingly similar. Everyone close to me knows that Buckcherry is one of my all time favorite bands. CM, one of the IV pharmacists, recently heard the Crazy Bitch song on the radio. Apparently, every time she hears the song she thinks of me. HA! She wasted no time in telling me I was a crazy bitch for liking the song. In response, I brought her the album and told her to listen to it over the long weekend. I'm anxious to hear her feelings about it.

I've posted on here before about other people's perception of my music choice. Apparently I give off this aura of pop culture, when in fact I'm more rock solid. I've had this experience at every work place I've been. My former employer used to chide me for listening to 80s hair bands. We had fun bantering about his music choices as well. I may wear professional dress and a white coat at work, but I wear rock n roll t-shirts to bed at night. :)

A Long Time Coming

2006-08-25T12:30:00.000-04:00

Yesterday the FDA announced that Plan B will finally be available over-the-counter. As with most government beauroracy, there are strings attached. Plan B's access is limited to individuals aged 18 and over. Personally, I'm more concerned about a 15 year old being pregnant than I am about a 22 year old being pregnant...but apparently this never crossed the mind of the FDA. Individuals under the age of 18 can still obtain Plan B, but they will have to go to a physician to get a prescription. Thankfully the only requirements to obtain Plan B from the pharmacy for those over 18 is just a valid ID. Even men can purchase the product if they are over 18. Even though the act that allows Plan B to be sold OTC was effective yesterday, Plan B will not be available OTC until the product's company can meet the OTC labeling requirements. In layman terms, this means that the labeling on the Plan B package in words the average adult can read and understand. While I don't agree with the restrictions to access for individuals under age 18, I am very happy that Plan B has finally been given OTC status. My only concern is that access is going to be restricted by those pharmacists who believe it is their job to push their supposed "morals" on potential purchasers...

Saying Goodbye at 25

2006-08-20T17:42:00.000-04:00

This past week my hometown laid to rest another victim of the war in Iraq - Steven Seale. I was at work when the funeral took place, but the next day our newspaper was laden with photos of it. One of the photos contained a picture of a guy that was my Chemistry II partner in high school. He was embracing Steven Seale's girlfriend after the funeral. It was chilling to say the least. Personally, I think funerals are a private affair and should not be plastered across the newspaper. Several community members stood along the road that the funeral procession went down. There were tiny American flags lining the road. Several law enforcement officers also stood proudly along the route. People took their hats off as the casket past, some soluted - but I think it's safe to say that most choked back tears. It's always sad when someone has to say goodbye at the age of 25. He leaves behind a family stricken with grief, several close friends, a girlfriend, and sadly, a small daughter.

"I'm no addict - now give me my damn methadone!"

2006-08-08T19:02:00.000-04:00

Today marks day #6 in Outpatient Hell. I realized that I was standing on the brink of Hell today when I was being cursed at by a man in a wheelchair, who wasn't really handicapped. Apparently, he was able to ride his motorcycle all the way from DC to get methadone at our facility...but needed a wheelchair to maneuver his way around the hospital. When asked about his pain in relation to the motorcycle, he quickly told the ER doc that he modified his bike to not cause him pain. He then showed up in my counseling booth wanting to know why he didn't have any methadone. I told him that I don't write it, I just fill it. He then told me he was going into withdrawal right then and there and made his eyes roll back in his head. When I told him that he needed to return to the ER to get his methadone, his eyes magically stopped rolling in his head and he headed out of the pharmacy in high gear. This lovely little man reappeared in my freaking window no less than an hour later...damning the entire facility to Hell. I was even on his list. I wanted to say, "Take your damn methadone and shove it up your addict ass!" But...alas, I did not. I smiled sweetly and told him that if he didn't lower his voice, I would not fill his Valium. He shut up and apologized. Ah, the calming power of Valium. I finally shooed him away. Other memorable patients today included the patient who almost knocked himself out on the glass in my counseling booth; the guy who had a cold so he stood up and yelled through the glass at me (consequently spraying his spit all over my glass - which was better than all over my face), and the female whore with an STD (she was wearing a see-thru shirt and pants so tight I could've bounced my pen off her ass...and she wanted to know why everyone was staring...shit).

You're Beautiful

2006-08-05T00:01:00.000-04:00

Today I had the honor of meeting one of the most famous vets at our facility. This 21yo man survived a mortar attack on a humvee. He was brought to our facility in 2004 unresponsive, attached to feeding tubes, and paralyzed. His parents were told he would never walk again. After being medically stabilized, he was placed in our nursing home at the age of 20. Today he's in the mainstream program - a program aimed at teaching traumatic brain injury patients life skills so they can return to society. JW presented to my window today to pick up his medicines for pass. Every weekend he leaves the facility to go home to his parents - and to go to the local dirt track races. As soon as he walked through the double doors, I knew who he was. He walks with a walker and has gross motor tremors in his arms. I had worked on his case when I was in-patient, so it was great to finally put a face with a name. When he sat down in my booth, we discovered that the doctor had not put in his pass medication orders. I called the doctor and requested the orders. While we were waiting for them to be input, JW and I struck up a conversation. After talking for a few minutes he asked if he could tell me something without offending me. I told him that I'm not easily offended and that he could speak his mind. He leaned in my window and said, "You're very pretty." I smiled and thanked him. The conversation then turned to my marriage status, then dating status, and finally my age. I could quickly see where this was headed, so I tried to steer the conversation in another direction. This was not successful. JW asked me to go on a date with him. I told him that we'd both get in trouble for dating since I'm an employee and he's a patient. JW, who is very aware of his physical status, said, "Is it because of my condition?" That was heart wrenching. I explained that it had absolutely NOTHING to do with his condition. He then asked me to quit my job. HA! He's a character to say the least. We talked for several more minutes. He shook my hand, and again told me I was beautiful. I could only get him to leave my booth window by explaining that there were lots of other patients waiting to see me. He agreed and reluctantly left my booth - bidding me farewell and holding my hand.

Consequently, I've spent some time this evening reflecting on him and my previous post on this site. I think the most frustrating thing of all is that JW would not be in this condition if we weren't engaged in a political war in Iraq. I get sick of the Republican mantra that you can't support the troops if you don't support the war. That is such crap! This war has brought civil war to Iraq and left American men and women damaged for life. This damage is far more than physical disabilities and deformities...it's the psychological damage that comes from seeing the horrors of war. Not is JW physically disabled, but he is also pyschologically damaged. He has vivid nightmares. He has trouble functioning in groups. It's incredibly sad. And the saddest part is that JW was simply a pawn in Bush's political war.

Something To Believe In

2006-07-27T21:49:00.000-04:00

The perfect stress buster for work...ROCK CONCERTS. :) I spent yesterday evening screaming and jumping at the Poison 20th Anniversary Tour. It was Poison, Cinderella, and some little band called EverAfter. EverAfter actually put on a really good show - and they have a couple hell of a talented guitar players. Cinderella and Poison were awesome - period. My brother got me Poison's Swallow This Live CD when I was 10. I used to blare it on my little stereo in my bedroom and wish I could see them in concert. Now I've seen them three times. :) One of my all time favorite Poison song is "Something to Believe In." Last night, when they were performing it live, I thought of the veteran hospital I work at. I thought of the Vietnam Vet in the ICU because he tried to commit suicide - which incidently is actually a line in the song. I also thought of the terminal cancer Veteran that I've been making morphine cassettes for this week. I could see him sitting in his little wheelchair with his baseball cap in watching the fish swim in the pond in front of the nursing home. And I have to admit, I got a little choked up. I have often wondered why so many lose and so few win. It shakes my faith at times. At the same time, I found myself swelling with pride knowing that I am working with the vets. It's extremely rewarding.

Today I rolled out of bed at 5:30, with 4.5 hours of sleep under my belt. My ears were ringing, my voice was hoarse, but I got up and went to work. The concert was definitely worth the tiredness I experienced today. I vented a lot of stress (screaming, jumping, and singing will do that). So when's Buckcherry coming to town?! :)

Don't Mind My Track Marks

2006-07-23T21:35:00.000-04:00

This past week at my residency was spent training as discharge pharmacist. Basically this position consists of going to patients' rooms when the doctor writes the discharge medications and counseling the patient on these new meds. It's a pretty easy position, and one of my favorite - mainly because it gets me out the basement and face-to-face with patients. I spent a significant amount of time on the psychiatric floor at my facility this week. One of the guys I discharged actually kind of scared me. It think it was the way his eyes appeared to bug out of his head and rotate...in opposite directions. Apparently, 72 hours with no heroin will do this. This particular individual was admitted because he tried to shoot heroin into his lower leg and ended up giving himself a nasty infection. I still don't see how he thought he could hit a vein in his calf muscle...but that's beside the point. When I went to counsel him, I didn't know he was detoxing from heroin. I thought he was a PTSD or depression patient. He invited me into his room, which I kindly declined. I offered instead to speak to him in the day room (a room enclosed in glass that is monitored quite closely by the psych nurses). He reluctantly agreed. He didn't care about his antidepressants or his antibiotics. He was mainly concerned about receiving a cream for his "bug bites." I returned to my office and phoned his psychiatrist. She prescribed an antifungal cream, which I found an odd choice for bug bites. I decided to read his chart to find out what exactly was going on. Great idea! For those bumps on his forearms were NOT bug bites, but rather infected track marks. I wanted to go back up and tell him to stop injecting into those sites, but figured it was a lost cause. He looked like he had lost venous access in his arms ages ago...and this probably explains why he was trying to shoot heroin into his calf muscle. Perhaps his eyes were rotating in his head due to the fact that he's probably injecting into his eye lids?? Who knows. I am definitely losing some of my naiveness...and I have become quite good and hiding my "Oh my God, you did what?!?" face. Trust me, some of the stories patients tell me make it quite difficult to hide the face.

Humbling Experience

2006-07-19T21:20:00.000-04:00

Last week at my hospital, the traumatic brain injury department held an open house. This particular department is relatively new at the facility, and I was really interested in their work. They work with individuals who have disabilities secondary to a traumatic brain injury. There's a lot of physical therapy and occupational therapy, as well as counseling and cognitive therapies. I was greeted at the door by a guy about my age with a cane. He smiled and welcomed me to the open house. After signing in, I was introduced to all the physicians, nurses, case workers, physical therapists, and occupational therapists. Finally, I was introduced to the guy who greeted me at the door...a young man who received a traumatic brain injury in Iraq. It was a humbling experience to say the least. Here was a man, very close to me in age, reduced to a Parkinson-like shuffle, dependent on a cane to walk, and totally incapable of managing his own medications. He was a very nice guy. We talked about the facility and his rehabilitation. He complemented me on my necklace, which he thought was beautiful. We both decided to be "daring" and try the neon green punch. He also has a bionic ear because his injury left him deaf in his right ear. His strength was admirable to say the least. He doesn't consider himself handicapped...but very lucky to be alive. Wow... I thought about all the silly things in my life that get me down sometimes, and I felt selfish. Then he told me that he didn't know where he'd be without the pharmacists at the facility. He said they always answer his questions and are so nice when they give him his medications. He thanked me for caring. Now, whenever I fill the medication cart for his ward, I smile when I get to his drawer. I know he'll be happy to receive his medications...and thankful that we all care so much.

A Movie for All Americans

2006-07-17T20:57:00.000-04:00

I had the opportunity this past weekend to watch Good Night and Good Luck, the movie documenting the historical take down of Senator Joe McCarthy by journalist Edward R. Murrow. The movie was not only educational but also eye-opening. Being 24, I've never experienced the Cold War atmosphere. However, as I was watching the film, I kept comparing the Cold War era to the present day atmosphere. Now Americans are not accused of being Communists if they do not agree with the Government, but rather are called "terrorists" or accused of being supporters of terrorism. Post 9-11 those are harsh accusations. The Right would like all US citizens to believe that the Left is undermining national security and providing comfort to the terrorists. Hmmm...sounds like the accusations McCarthy hailed at Edward Murrow after being exposed on his nighttime news show. I found out today that I am not the only one who shares these sentiments. ROMA has provided me with a gift subscription to The Nation. I came home from my government job and unwound by reading the editorials in the most recent issue. In one of the editorials, Eric Alterman discusses the fall-out experienced by the New York Times after publishing the story detailing US attempts to track terrorist financing methods. He closes by stating, "It's a shame Joe McCarthy isn't alive to enjoy all of this." I couldn't have said it better myself.

As a side note, there are several bumper stickers advertised in the magazine that I'd like to purchase, but feel that since George W. Bush's picture hangs in the lobby of my current employer, they probably wouldn't be welcome...and may cause me to find myself on the unemployment line. For example - "As Bush lies and spies, our freedom dies." I can see the federal police towing my car away now...

Save the World Complex

2006-07-09T01:26:00.000-04:00

I have been diagnosed by many close friends and family members with a "save the world complex." I agree with the diagnosis. When I used to work at the retail pharmacy, there were times I was tempted to dig money out of my pocket to pay for an elderly person's medication. I was with an elderly couple one day in the OTC section helping the lady pick out a fiber supplement. For anyone who's not had the pleasure of purchasing these products, they are rather expensive. Her husband carried their bread and eggs back to their respective aisles so that she could afford the fiber supplement. It was very humbling. When I relay these stories to my family, a common response is "Ahsirt, you can't save the world." I realize saving the world is a big undertaking...but is it too much to wish that you could? I bring this up because this evening I was watching an episode of Dr. 90210 (don't ask me why - I'm morally opposed to cosmetic surgery). However, in this episode, Dr. Rey volunteered with Hershey's Smiling Faces for a mission trip to Mexico. On this trip they view over 100 patients and select 40-60 of the most dire cases, of which they must have the equipment to help, to perform reconstructive surgery on. Most cases are cleft palates or scar removal. Dr. Rey, used to the boob jobs and liposuction of LA, had a difficult time dealing with the disparity of the region and the inability to help everyone. I think he developed part of my complex. I thought to myself that I would like to help with this type of outreach...but it would be very heart breaking to tell people no. At the end of the trip Dr. Rey returned to the boob jobs and liposuction, but he'll carry that experience with him forever. I have an innate desire to help fellow humans. Maybe that will help treat this complex - because I certainly don't want to be "cured" of wanting to help my neighbors...just to be able to accept that it's ok if I can't save the world. Saving one person is a step in the right direction.

Queen of Inputting

2006-07-07T23:41:00.000-04:00

I spent my first non-orientation week of my residency training in the inpatient pharmacy. Monday through Thursday were spent renewing orders and occassionally filling new orders. Today the supervisor turned the flight deck, as they like to call the inputting station, over to me. I inputted prescriptions, flagged orders, discontinued orders, answered the telephone, coached nurses through med administration, and calculated morphine doses for patients in the ICU. There are still a few things that I don't understand about their computer system, but it is slowly coming to me. I think the hardest thing for me at this point is to stop asking for verification. I am the pharmacist - I don't need anyone to check my work. That's a hard concept for me to grasp. I'm pretty comfortable about the aspirin and nitroglycerin patches I sent up...but when it comes to calculating the mL of morphine the nurse should inject out of the prefilled syringe to only give the patient 25mg, I like to have a second set of eyes check the order. I suppose that's not exactly a bad thing, and I've been told that it takes a while to switch from "pharmacy intern" mode to "pharmacist" mode. I figure a couple more days on the flight deck and I'll be ready for my weekend staffing position. So - the residency is moving along smoothly and I'm starting to remember why I loved this facility when I completed a rotation there. :)

Keeper of the Keys

2006-06-29T19:03:00.000-04:00

I officially passed from the role of pharmacy student to licensed pharmacist today. Without ceremony, I was handed a key to my office, a key to the medication carts, and a key to the outpatient pharmacy. I was also asked to provide a pin number that would allow me access to the narcotic vault. I am now the keeper of keys and passwords for my hospital. It was pretty exiciting. I was also given a pager, consequently tethering me to the hospital for the next year. Now, anyone can find me anywhere at any time. On Tuesday, I was issued three white coats from the facility - one of which has the emblem washed off. My name was ironed into the neck by the uniform clerk. As an added bonus, they would provide me with a key card that allowed me to have my white coats laundered there. I opted out, figuring my detergent smells better, and my fabric softener will make the coat more comfortable. Tomorrow we're going to start planning out the path of my residency. A former resident informed me that I'm already four days late in picking out a topic for my final project. Talk about inducing an anxiety attack...I thought I wouldn't have to pick a project for at least the first week. Sheesh!

Residency Day #2

2006-06-27T21:01:00.000-04:00

Here are the valuable lessons I learned at my second day of mandatory orientation for my residency:

If I get a speeding ticket on the grounds, I must present myself to the federal court house in DC.

If the building is on fire, I must get out of the building - or at least get behind the smoke barrier doors.

If a co-worker wants to trade sex for vacation time, I am being sexually harassed.

The only acceptable password for the computer system must be 100 characters long and be a combination of letters, numbers, capital letters, and special symbols...and must be certified in blood.

Residency Day #1

2006-06-26T20:58:00.000-04:00

Number of forms filled out - 2,567

Number of attempts to print my left pinky finger - 5

Times I signed my name - 25

Finding out at 8:53PM that I'm a licensed pharmacist - PRICELESS :)

Kick Me When I'm Down

2006-06-24T18:22:00.000-04:00

This has been the absolute week from hell. The only positive thing is that the swelling in my left knee has totally absolved. Monday I received a telephone call from my residency informing me that I had a physical on Thursday at 1. My NAPLEX started at 1230 - totally impossible to be at my NAPLEX and physical at same time. I told them I could come any other day this week. I was told that this was not possible, as this was the only available day for the physical. The center lost my employment file, thus not having any record of me coming. My start day was bumped from June 26 to July 9 - apparently brining someone on in the middle of a pay period is a sin. Tuesday brought great news. HR moved the schedule around and got me a physical scheduled for Friday, which moved my start date back to June 26. Thursday was my NAPLEX (read - long and tiring). When I returned home Thursday evening I had a letter from the facility I'll be completing my residency at. The letter stated the wrong salary and docked me my benefits. Friday I got all that worked out - including a raise. Then my desktop computer completely crashed. (Currently I am running CHKDSK for the fifteenth time with no avail) Today I've broke out in some kind of rash on my legs. I'm just hoping it's not antibiotic related, seeing as I've finally started feeling better from the Lyme disease. So, does anyone else want to kick me while I'm down???? One final question - what the hell does "The application \??\C:\WINDOWS\System32\sfcfiles.dll is not a valid windows image" mean? I'm guessing since this includes windows\system 32 it's not good at all...pass the beer.

The Day in Summary

2006-06-22T20:33:00.000-04:00

5.5 hours of sleep

185 pharmacy-based questions (with no less than 5 pertaining to low birth weight babies)

2.5 hours to complete said pharmacy test

2 beers

1 splitting headache and a quick buzz

Oh, You're a Pharmacist?

2006-06-20T21:13:00.000-04:00

Today I went to get my hair cut by a lady who used to cut my hair a couple years ago. She went MIA and I couldn't relocate her until last week. After washing my hair, she asked what I did for a living. I told her I was a pharmacist and I was starting a residency at the VA hospital in town. Upon telling her this, I received her entire life story - including that she is a fetal alcohol baby (mild, but after being told I was able to discern the facial abnormalities) and that her mother is schizophrenic and an alcoholic. She went through every medication in her medicine cabinet and asked me what my opinion was and what side effects she should expect. This actually came in handy for my NAPLEX, which is scheduled for Thursday. I quickly discerned that her mother was not the only member of the family with some mental health problems. The conversation then turned to alcoholism and treatments and schizophrenia and whether I think she has it or not. I referred her to her psychiatrist for a formal diagnosis. I did share with her some schizophrenia facts that I brushed up on last night while studying for the NAPLEX. This seemed to put her mind at ease. I think it mainly helped with the guilt she was feeling for having committed her mother to a hosiptal only last week. By the time she finished styling my hair, the entire beauty shop was staring at us. I think everyone learned a little more about her than they wanted to know. But I also detected a hint of "I want to ask the pharmacist a question" in their eyes. I suppose I just have one of those kind faces that beckons people to tell me their problems. I spent twice as long at the grocery store today because I helped an elderly lady shop. She was looking for something to clean her cabinets and selected a harsh cleanser that would remove the finish on her wooden cabinets. I explained this and ended up helping her with several other things throughout the store. Thank God I didn't reveal I was a pharmacist to her...I can only imagine the stories of bowel regimens I would hear. All joking aside, I enjoyed helping the elderly lady and I found the conversation with my hair stylist informative. For future reference, though, I will refrain from mentioning my occupation unless absolutely necessary.

History in the Making

2006-06-12T23:13:00.000-04:00

Today was a historic day for West Virginia and for Senator Robert C. Byrd. Today Senator Byrd surpassed Senator Strom Thurmond's record for longest surviving senator. He has been serving West Virginia for 48 years - and he doesn't want it to stop there. He's vying for a record 9th term in the Senate, which would bring his tenure up to 54 years for those counting. I have talked to Republican and Democrat West Virginians and the theme is always the same - no one has ever done for our great state what this man has. At a rotation site, a staunchly Republican pharmacist informed me that he could never vote a straight Republican ticket because he always has to click the box beside Senator Byrd's name. This past May 9, it was an honor for me to click the box beside his name to give him the Democratic nod for his 9th term in the Senate. In the picture above, Senator Byrd is holding the Constitution, which he carries in his pocket. He truly believes that no one is above the Constitution - not him, and certainly not the President. He treasures the values of our forefathers. He's not only a champion for West Virginia, but for the United States.

Diagnosis: Lyme Disease

2006-06-12T19:14:00.000-04:00

After two doctors visits, three vials of blood, and one methylprednisolone dosepak, I have been diagnosed with Lyme disease. Apparently my swollen knee was not do to my graceful stumble after graduation, but rather to a disease I've had for several months. It seems as though the joint pain/stiffness that's been going on for almost 6 months really was a problem. The swollen knee gave me lots of time to study for the boards, especially since I've practically been a cripple since graduation. We shall see if all the study efforts pay off on Thursday when I sit for my Federal and State Drug Law Examination. My antibiotic makes me ill when I take it on an empty stomach. However, I am rather versed in the pharmacology and counseling points of doxycycline - which will come in handy next Thursday when I sit for the NAPLEX. I just hope I'm not still hobbling around when I start my residency on June 26. Did I just see Murphy peak around the corner? Damn him...

AIDS - 25 Years Later

2006-06-05T23:50:00.000-04:00

June 5, 1981 is one of those dates that future generations will never forget. It was the day AIDS was first discovered. Twenty-five years later, we're still grappling with this disease. According to the World Health Organization, 5 million people were infected with HIV last year. There was estimated to be 40 million individuals living with HIV/AIDS worldwide in 2005. We have made great strides in prolonging life of individuals with HIV, but still remain rather stagnant in preventing HIV transmission. Unfortunately, the "abstinence only" programs pushed by our dear President are contributing to the transmission of HIV. Teenagers now believe that oral and anal sex do not constitute as intercourse, when in fact these acts are just as dangerous, if not more, in respect to HIV transmission. President Bush's first move in office was restoration of the Mexico City Policy. While he told the public he was pulling funding from clinics that provided abortions in Africa, he failed to tell the public that these clinics also provided condoms and HIV counseling. Another unfortunate reality of this epidemic is the stereotypes that still accompany the disease. These stereotypes are not only ethically wrong, but are helping to spread the disease. This propagates the "it will never happen to me" sense of security. In 2006, the individual most likely to contract HIV/AIDS is not a homosexual male, but a heterosexual African-American female. Let's hope that the next 25 years bring not only a loss of stereo-types but a cure.

HIts from a Previous Employer

2006-06-04T23:59:00.000-04:00

As if I didn't need another reason to dislike my previous employer, this past Friday I received notice that they "lost" a laptop with my personal information on it. This personal information apparently included my name, DOB, SSN, and benefit amounts. The best part - they "lost" the laptop on May 2. I received notice that my personal information was "stolen" on June 2. Thanks for the heads up on that one! As a consolation, they provided me with free credit monitoring through Equifax for one year. Being the worrier that I am, I immediately signed up and received my credit report. Nothing fishy there. My real concern with this is why they were carrying my personal information in laptop to begin with - being as I resigned last September from the company. They yanked my benefits from me last July 31. My tax papers were sent out at the end of January. I find no reason for them to be accessing my personal information. I'm just adding this to the file entitled "Reasons to Never work for Company-X Again." That file is getting pretty fat. However, thanks to my free credit report, I did discover that TransUnion apparently believes my date of birth is 12/1960. Cute, they're only off by a month and 21 years. And apparently, they just won't take your word for it either (even though Equivax and Experian have my DOB correct). To add insult to injury, to talk an actual person at TransUnion, you have to purchase a credit report from them directly. I fought with the telephone computer for 5 minutes. I even tried the sure-fire insurance company method - "REPRESENTATIVE!" Unfortunately, their computer didn't understand that command. The only way to dispute the claim was to submit an "error report" online. TransUnion agrees to reply within 30 days. In the meantime, they urge me not to try to obtain credit. Thanks for that! Glad I bought the car two months ago.

NAPLEX Countdown

2006-06-01T14:41:00.000-04:00

NAPLEX