Yearning for Peace

So the problems that I thought I could leave in Cali...yea they found their way back to WV. I guess the old addage "you can't run from your problems" is true. They find you, no matter where you are. On top of my personal issues, I am also facing a stressful day at work, my grandfather is in the hospital, my cat ran away, and the fighting with my mother continues. As for my personal issues, I don't know what the hell I want. One minute I want to pick up the phone and tell him to come get me...the next minute I start thinking about the shit I've dealt with for the past 2 weeks. I'm tired...emotionally, physically, and psychologically. Prior to our big blow out the day before I left for Cali, I was trying to determine how I felt about him. I've been fighting my Mom constantly about him. I guess I was wondering if he was worth all the Hell...and I really thought he was. Then all this shit happened last week and now I don't think he is. I'm afraid if we're having these problems at 4 weeks, we'll have these problems the rest of the relationship, no matter its duration. I tried to explain this to him...he doesn't agree. He thinks I'm over-reacting. I don't know if I can trust him...I've heard so much shit. He promises its not true. He keeps telling me I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him. I can't handle it. I just want to get in the car and drive far, far away. But I know, no matter where I ended up, my problems would find me again. Hell, I went 3000 miles away and they still found me (and I was only gone 4 days!). Dammit, I just want some damn happiness. Is that too much to ask? Apparently it is...

Tomorrow I have to deal with some unpleasantness at work. Consequently, I'm ready to walk away from that too. Honestly, I can't handle work, home, and my love life. I'm sure the "chaperone" is going to run to the boss and tell how I ditched her ass in Cali. Then I have to tell my boss that I refuse to have her as a preceptor. Inherently I hate conflict. I've been dealing with conflict for 4 goddamn weeks. I'm sick of it. Tomorrow could be bad...it just depeneds on how freaking fed up I am by the time I see my boss. Hopefully I will still be employed after tomorrow...