This is the end...
In the famous words of Jim Morrison - "this is the end." Today I took my last final exam ever. It was a 42 question test concentrating on special therapeutic considerations during pregnancy, labor & delivery, and lactation. I think I did decent on the exam. I'm proud of myself - because the only time I really looked at the notes was Saturday night. I thought I would walk away from school today with mixed feelings...however I didn't. I just simply walked away. I took the 2 hour exam in 20 minutes, turned it in, picked up my stuff, and just left. I didn't say goodbye to anyone. I just silently filed past my mailbox and out the door. I wasn't expecting a tinker tape parade...but I guess I was expecting a goodbye. I know of at least one person in that class that I will never see again. We used to be good friends. But, today, she walked to her car and pulled away without even so much as a wave goodbye. I guess she's been preparing for this moment for six months. I wonder if that is what she planned? I guess I'm just numb to the whole matter. I guess what makes the experience even worse is that my favorite cat disappeared yesterday. He came home for lunch and I haven't seen him since. This cat is so special to me. He sleeps every night on the foot of my bed...last night was my first night without him since September. I spend all yeserday evening and last night looking for him. I even rushed home from my final to canvass the neighborhood again...but alas, he is gone. I don't know what I'm going to do. I know he's just a cat...but my cats aren't just cats. My cats are my family. Each one is special...and Berlioz, he was just extra special. I got him when he was barely 6 weeks old and he fit in the palm of my hand. He would snuggle up against my tummy and sleep. He snored when he slept. He was fascinated with my dishwasher. And when I was upset or stressed out, he seemed to know. He'd put aside his craziness for a few minutes to rub around my ankles to let me know everything was going to be ok. I'm getting ready to start on a new journey in life - clinical rotations...and he won't be here to rub around my ankles to let me know it will be all right. I'm 23yo and my security blanket is a 10 month old cat...and now he's gone. I'm lost...
posted by ahsirt at 6:44 PM
3 Comments:
Hang in there! Everything always works out in the end...
What we perceive on the outside as important and necessary does not begin to make us whole. A life is about a person being whole inside and out. It is easier to start with small outward changes first as long as we look inward eventually. I have also found that we imagine others think this and that about us and then I figured out that most people are just too self involved to think that hard on anything.
"Peace be unto thee, stranger, enter and be not afraid. I have left the gate open and thou art welcome to my home. There is room in my house for all. I have swept the hearth and lighted the fire. The room is warm and cheerful and you will find comfort and rest within. The table is laid and the fruits of Life are spread before thee. The wine is here also, it sparkles in the light. I have set a chair for you where the sunbeams dance through the shade. Sit and rest and refresh your soul. Eat of the fruit and drink the wine. All, all is yours, and you are welcome." That poem always makes me feel good...I hope the same for you.
I don't know who you are...but thank you. The poem is awesome...and comforting. I will take your words to heart. I admit that there are times when I am hung up in how others perceive who I am. Thank you again.
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