Life in the ICU

For the past 2 weeks, I have been following an 85 female patient in the ICU. She was admitted to the hospital before Christmas for signs and symptoms of diverticulitis. Upon further probing, it was discovered she did not have diverticulitis, but in fact had an obstructing sigmoid malignant tumor. She was a surgery risk from the get go - name a disease state and she's got it. Consequently, she underwent sugery on 12/28 and remains on the ventilator. She has failed extubation twice and has been diagnosed by pulmonary as respiratory failure. They're considering performing a tracheotomy. I went into her room to see her today. She's heavily sedated again. She looks so sad. Her family has taped the pictures of her 2 cats to the rails on her bed. It's pretty sad to think that she'll probably never get home to see them again. It upset me. I think it was the harsh reality of death...the finality of death. My heartstrings are compromising my future as a critical care pharmacist. I kind of prefer my patients to be talking, breathing, and not dieing.

On a more positive note, I have been contacted by one of the residency programs I applied to and they are pleased to inform me that I have been selected to be interviewed. :)