November Already?!
Good God, where did fall go? Apparently I've been living my life for Sundays and Mondays - because somewhere between the weekends, the entire month of October slipped away. It's not that I don't have a good reason to live for Sundays and Mondays - it's just that I feel like I've lost time or something. I realized this evening that Thanksgiving is a week away and my birthday is two days away. Last time I looked at a calendar it was the middle of October!
As I stand on the cusp of the ripe age of 26, I'm a little lost. I'm definitely at a different point in my life at 26 than either of my siblings. There were babies and husbands/wives by 26. Let's see - baby? No...marriage? No... Hmmm...not quite measuring up to the siblings there. All in good time, right? Ah hell, I stopped trying to live their lives two years ago. I realized I couldn't live my life on their timelines...and if I did, I would fail miserably. I love my job and my coworkers...but I hate working weekends. I keep hearing this voice in my head that I'm not living up to my potential. I love being a staff pharmacist, but that damn nagging voice keeps say - "Jesus Christ, you completed a residency to become a staff pharmacist?!" I've been feeding the voice ranitidine and omeprazole to shut it up. I had my performance appraisal today - OUTSTANDING on all marks. Take that voice! I did lecture at SU two weeks ago. It was amazing. I actually had the students closing their laptops to interact with me. We were discussing antibiotics and a patient case. They were excited. As I exited the lecture hall, no less than five students approached me and asked me to return and lecture again. Thanks Mom and Nan...you're love for educating is starting to show through in me as well. I felt comfortable at the podium. Perhaps that is where I need to be? Doubtful - I couldn't give up my practice. Academia is too "boxed" for me. But I do rather enjoy the opportunity to dabble in that field. I dont' know where I'll end my days - but for now staff pharmacist will do...shut up voice.
On a more positive note, the butterflies are most definitely still present. It's a great feeling. It's been a long time since I've felt this way - and it's a good feeling. I suppose my butterflies were put to a test last week - when the pharmacist co-worker I've been jonesing for finally decided that I was dating material. I had been waiting on that day since I started working at the hospital (1.5 years for anyone who's counting). The day came a month too late...the butterflies won out. :) I'm sure, come Friday, I'll wake up feeling as tired as I did on Thursday. 26 won't feel any different than 25. Just was 25 didn't feel any different than 24. However, I have to admit, 26 is a lot closer to 30 than 24 was...
As I stand on the cusp of the ripe age of 26, I'm a little lost. I'm definitely at a different point in my life at 26 than either of my siblings. There were babies and husbands/wives by 26. Let's see - baby? No...marriage? No... Hmmm...not quite measuring up to the siblings there. All in good time, right? Ah hell, I stopped trying to live their lives two years ago. I realized I couldn't live my life on their timelines...and if I did, I would fail miserably. I love my job and my coworkers...but I hate working weekends. I keep hearing this voice in my head that I'm not living up to my potential. I love being a staff pharmacist, but that damn nagging voice keeps say - "Jesus Christ, you completed a residency to become a staff pharmacist?!" I've been feeding the voice ranitidine and omeprazole to shut it up. I had my performance appraisal today - OUTSTANDING on all marks. Take that voice! I did lecture at SU two weeks ago. It was amazing. I actually had the students closing their laptops to interact with me. We were discussing antibiotics and a patient case. They were excited. As I exited the lecture hall, no less than five students approached me and asked me to return and lecture again. Thanks Mom and Nan...you're love for educating is starting to show through in me as well. I felt comfortable at the podium. Perhaps that is where I need to be? Doubtful - I couldn't give up my practice. Academia is too "boxed" for me. But I do rather enjoy the opportunity to dabble in that field. I dont' know where I'll end my days - but for now staff pharmacist will do...shut up voice.
On a more positive note, the butterflies are most definitely still present. It's a great feeling. It's been a long time since I've felt this way - and it's a good feeling. I suppose my butterflies were put to a test last week - when the pharmacist co-worker I've been jonesing for finally decided that I was dating material. I had been waiting on that day since I started working at the hospital (1.5 years for anyone who's counting). The day came a month too late...the butterflies won out. :) I'm sure, come Friday, I'll wake up feeling as tired as I did on Thursday. 26 won't feel any different than 25. Just was 25 didn't feel any different than 24. However, I have to admit, 26 is a lot closer to 30 than 24 was...
posted by ahsirt at 10:23 PM
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