On Lucid Dreaming, Etc

My recurrent dream returned last night. This time it was different...I was able to stop the dream. Everything was plugging along as before, when suddenly I told myself, "No...you really don't want this," - and at this point I woke up. I didn't wake up feeling like crap. I woke up feeling relieved that it was over, but extremely tired. It felt like I'd battled it all night. But, for the first time, the rest of my day wasn't affected. Perhaps I have reached a turning point in regards to the individual at the center of the dream? I think I may have...

On a more interesting note, my neighbors from Hell have been strangely quiet lately. I found out today that the 18yo hellion has moved in with his baby's mother. Sayonara! I think I may go dance in the street...

Look Ma - No Hands!!!

Saturday was my first day as pharmacist in charge in the outpatient pharmacy. I have to admit, it was pretty exciting. It started off a little rough. I unlocked and disarmed the pharmacy just fine. Then there was the vault...it's that bank vault thing that all of the controlled substances are in. I spun the dial and spun the dial and couldn't get it to open. I had to call the pharmacy out of the inpatient pharmacy to unlock it. Thankfully he was able to get it because I dispensed a lot of narcs yesterday. The rest of the day was relatively uneventful. We were a little busy for a Saturday. The tech ran mailers while I worked the window. Every once in a while I'd check her mailers and she'd package them up. Today I worked in the inpatient pharmacy with CZ. We had a pretty good day. It wasn't too busy - but it was steady enough to make the day fly by. I even had one of the ER physicians tell me that I was a ray of sunshine. Apparently the ER was pretty hectic today and full of nasty people. It's always nice to be appreciated. I suppose this was my last real "milestone" to feeling like a real pharmacist. I couldn't help thinking when I was carrying TPN to the med/surg floor that I was running the pharmacy...and enjoying it...and pretty damn good at it. :)

On Recurring Dreams

I have been having a dream recurrently since last summer. The scenery changes, but the central theme is always the same. The script and the characters are always the same. I thought this dream was finally over after I graduated from pharmacy school; however I had it again the past Thursday night - after a four month absence. I haven't seen the main subject in the dream since May 13, and I don't believe we've spoken to each other in over a month. I've often thought that dreams are the windows to your heart's truest desires. This dream has made me question that repeatedly. At the end of the day, even if my heart did desire it, I know it will never occur. I've tried to act on it before and always end up walking away from the experience with my heart in my hand. Needless to say, I usually feel like crap the day following the dream. I've thought about sharing it with the person in the dream, but better judgment has always kicked in. Perhaps one day I'll finally tell him how I feel...or by that time, perhaps it will be how I felt. In the meantime, I'm stuck with this dream that makes me incredibly happy while I'm sleeping...and incredibly foul when I'm awake.

Black Sheep Resident

Today was another wonderful monthly, required resident meeting at XU. It was blatantly obvious from the moment I walked in the conference room that my residency program was somewhat of the black sheep. First of all, my residency director did not feel it necessary to attend the "mandatory meeting for all residents and residency directors." Needless to say, all other residency directors arrived. I was left pulling an explanation out of my ass. I remember saying words like "busy", "pharmacy director & residency director", and even "leadership". This did not settle well with the big khuana of the residency programs. It even prompted him to proclaim that he would be driving to our facility to chat with our director. Can I sell tickets to this interaction? Perhaps I'll just pop a bag of popcorn and sit in the hall and watch. The meeting progressed pretty well from this point forward. We polished our teaching philosophies and worked on learning objectives for lectures. After the meeting concluded, the residents wanted to set a time for the "disease state and journal club" discussions. Grafs and I decided to hightail out of there before being rope-a-doped into that. We've successfully dodged that bullett for now. We commented as we were running out the door that we are the renegade residents of the XU residency programs. Very well with me. I've already taken the liberty to explain to a former resident that my residency is totally different than hers AND that I will not be spending 6 days at the Mid-Year meeting regardless of how many she wishes to spend there. As my Nan would say..."Hussy!" :)

In Loving Memory

~Donna Lee Wetzel~
~August 16, 1916 - September 3, 2000~

Resident Headbanger

Due to my choice in music, I have been deemed the Resident Headbanger by my fellow pharmacists at the VA. When I was in the IV room, I would come into work early to set on the desks and discuss music with the midnight pharmacist and my fellow IV pharmacist. We each listed our top 5 rock musicians, and were suprisingly similar. Everyone close to me knows that Buckcherry is one of my all time favorite bands. CM, one of the IV pharmacists, recently heard the Crazy Bitch song on the radio. Apparently, every time she hears the song she thinks of me. HA! She wasted no time in telling me I was a crazy bitch for liking the song. In response, I brought her the album and told her to listen to it over the long weekend. I'm anxious to hear her feelings about it.

I've posted on here before about other people's perception of my music choice. Apparently I give off this aura of pop culture, when in fact I'm more rock solid. I've had this experience at every work place I've been. My former employer used to chide me for listening to 80s hair bands. We had fun bantering about his music choices as well. I may wear professional dress and a white coat at work, but I wear rock n roll t-shirts to bed at night. :)